August 2024
Welcome to The Pony Picayune, a monthly newsletter about the Brisbane Broncos.
Conflict on Caxton III
There’s no way the season should have come down to this. If you can’t get up when the season is on the line, what are you doing? If you can’t get up to play your closest rival, why bother? If it is both, and you go down limply by six scores and only landing a solitary blow when gifted the softest sin bin, then to what extent can you really call yourself a coach?
One of the curses of the decade and a half of Broncos’ success is the chorus of meatheads past who thought that dominating a professionalising league while playing for a team whose ownership made salary cap compliance somewhat optional meant they were special. Worse, they’re convinced that their opinions on anything are worth hearing now, decades later. Indeed, one of their own is in charge.
The mouth-breathers are lining up in the pro and anti camps as befits whatever posture selected by their producer or editor, accentuated by a blood feud dating back to some perceived slight at the Norman Hotel in 1997 or 2005, or a blood brotherhood formed on a drinking binge at the Normanby in 1994 or 2007, or possibly both, because who can really remember the details, as applicable.
The pro-Walters camp will point to the injuries and blame the players, not understanding that the game is faster and harder than in their day and more is expected than ever was in the olden days, or that the other clubs seem to not only manage the same injury and motivational problems but also solve them. Moreover, if the players’ job is to coach and motivate themselves, then why spend any money on Kev’s salary? No one is expecting a tactical genius but where is the vibes management? The squad’s attitude couldn’t be further in the toilet if it was effluent being treated at Pinkenba.
The anti-Walters faction will point to the record: 50-47-1 with some world class players, a terrible but acceptable 2021, a finals fade out in 2022, a grand final fade out in 2023 and another finals fade out in 2024. On paper, it is still not bad enough for the board to be brave and knife Walters in the off-season and the excuses provide convenient fig leaves for a braying public desperate to be told what to think.
It’ll serve to cover the front office’s ignorance of the smoking crater where the best pack in the league exploded under market pressure and the solution was a half-hearted Piakura, business-as-usual Jordan Riki and a bunch of nobodies no one wants to see near a Broncos jersey again but still manage to appear on the bench every week. Also, Corey Jensen was there and, I can’t believe I’m writing this, Tyson Smoothy was not.
However, like Holbrook’s repeated 20+ point collapses at the Titans, the pattern is clear and established, despite the win-loss ticker. It’s just a question of when this all becomes untenable for Donaghy and co. At least, Walters will take his large and completely useless adult son with him. I can’t help but notice that others get benched when they miss tackles leading to tries but Billy is free to overrun as many attackers as he likes without any career consequences. With his resignation from Triple M, he’ll want to think about dusting off the tools or shipping out to Castleford or Huddersfield because I’m pretty sure Walters are personae non gratae in Perpignan.
The only other relief is that the Dolphins finally ended the Broncos’ season. Contrary to Walters’ assertions in the post-game press conference, it’s been over for a while but now it’s official. The hopes of thousands of fans have been mercifully euthanised by Redcliffe. The forthcoming Storm result - and it is easy to predict which way it will go - is irrelevant in every conceivable way and we are free not to care.
Try not to spend the offseason thinking about how dogshit the comp is this year and how badly the team has been managed.
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Last month
Round 22 (M): Titans 46 defeated Broncos 18
Billy probably did not get Maccas on the way home.
Round 2 (W): Roosters 28 defeated Broncos 12
24 points in 18 minutes of game time and if you slow it down, you can pinpoint the exact moment Aiken extinguished the life out of the Broncos. That all of these points arose directly from poor play made it all so much worse. After putting in the hard yards to go with one of the best teams in the competition for most of the first half, to blow out beyond any possible grasp of Brisbane in such a short amount of time, is disappointing but not unexpected.
Round 23 (M): Broncos 42 defeated Cowboys 18
A win! In the Big Game! Look how happy Kev is:
While the Disappointed Dad routine has come late, as it ever does with Kev, the final 30 minutes reminded us what this team is capable of doing on the football field. Unfortunately, it was not the well crafted attacking raids of 2023. The highlights were more reminscient of the individual brilliance of the less fondly remembered years of early 20s Broncos. It’s better than the nothing served up against the Titans. The forwards did well to challenge the Cowboys in the second half and lay a platform. The side didn’t panic when a few handling errors offered North Queensland opportunities to apply pressure. It was refreshing to see the side rise to the (limp lettuce leaf of a) challenge of their fiercest rivals.
Round 3 (W): Broncos 44 defeated Titans 4
This is the Queensland derby in the women’s game and Brisbane own it.
With a more established three-quarter line, comprising Robinson, Hufanga, a returning Ciesiolka and the fantastic debut of Olympian Stacey Waaka, the Broncos looked a different team. With more reliable centres and wingers, the deficiencies at fullback were less pronounced. Gayle Broughton also returned, reducing some of the dependence on Ali Brigginshaw’s game (I’m loath to call Brigginshaw washed, having done it at least twice and been proven wrong both times, but give me something to work with here that isn’t late Langer grubbers into the legs of defenders and a chip and chase that was dated in 1989). With a better hold of the ball, it all became so much easier. Instead, the Titans were the ones doing dumb things, forfeiting precious possession and after 25 minutes, tackling themselves out of contention for the victory. The Titans lost by 40 points and 662 metres. The only quibble is that it could have been 50 if Hufanga had just put her head down.
Round 4 (W): Broncos 28 defeated Raiders 22
This shaped up as a pivotal match in the course of both teams’ seasons. The performance, composed enough in the face of what Canberra had to throw at them, has established the Broncos as the contenders people expected them to be and left Raiders fans slightly more concerned about their prospects. Stacey Waaka is something special but I’m wondering if while she’s learning the game, if she can just learn the role of the 1 jersey and cut to the chase. Julia Robinson surely wasn’t the first woman to successfully execute a diving winger’s try but not many others are coming to mind.
Round 25 (M): Broncos 30 defeated Eels 24
People will invariably look past the disastrous first 20 minutes of this game in which the Broncos looked like they had sown up the wooden spoon and were merely completing the footballing minutes to which they were contractually obligated. They shouldn’t. For a team that seems to believe that 12-12 will be good enough for finals, to start flat enough that a team that may well finish last this season to put 16 points on in ten minutes, is incredibly concerning.
Still, it turns out that Parramatta are truly dreadful. Defending just a handful of sets early in the game had them on the backfoot, looking for answers and energy. By the time I was about to drop “pretty pathetic the Eels haven’t scored in 20 minutes” in the group chat, the control of the game had been wrested from the Eels and the Broncos managed to find the minimum form required to win the game. There was no danger of them losing it once they got in front. Look at the relief:
Round 5 (W): Broncos 44 defeated Tigers 14
You can trace the improvement in the Broncos’ form from a disastrous round 1, a better start with a futile finish in round 2 to crushing the Titans, outlasting the Raiders and now outclassing the Tigers in three consecutive matches. The Tigers did their best to win contact, slow down the ruck and play with energy - all classic strategies for bad teams trying to beat good teams - but it became painfully apparent that Wests did not have the engine to deliver on that for 70 minutes and that the classiness and patience of the Broncos would eventually prevail. Reading back to where we were a month ago to now is like watching a speedrun of a 24 round season in 5 weeks. Is Tafito Lafaele having a breakout? [postscript - yes]
Round 26 (M): Dolphins 40 defeated Broncos 6
They don't even realise how much trouble they're in. What until they get this spray. That'll fire the boys up to make a run for finals against the minor premiers (and also requiring another eight results to go their way).
Wait, whoops.
Round 6 (W): Broncos 38 defeated Cowboys 12. I’m glad they won by a lot, for the usual and obvious reasons but also because, without the Cowboys fans here, I’d be inclined to have a whinge about refereeing and throw in the tiresome but annual ‘is Brigginshaw washed?’ I would instead like to sing the praises of Mele Hufanga, who is no longer just a human battering ram but also has a bit of footwork, some defensive sense and can run a line. It’s quite a skillset that she’s put together over the last 12 months.
The structure of the game unfolded in a highly encouraging way: being willing to get into the arm wrestle for the first act, then win that wrestle with superior firepower in the middle of the field in the second act and then capitalising on that in the endgame and blowing out the margin. Perhaps more encouraging still was the red zone defence, which found itself more than capable of repelling the Cowboys. Unlike their male counterparts, the women’s team has worked out who they are, what they do well and then they go out and do it. It’s extremely refreshing. It was about this point last year I started to believe too.
Intermission
I was expecting another THIS IS OUR HOUSE moment from Kotoni so we’ll have to make do. Nice to see an emotion other than barely restrained aggression or a 1,000 yard stare in the coach's box.
Next up
Round 27 (M): Broncos vs Storm (Suncorp)
Treat this game like plutonium-239 or highlights of the 2023 grand final. Don’t look at it, just leave it alone and notify the authorities if you find any concerning residue.
Round 7 (W): Broncos vs Knights
The Knights have looked a pace behind where they usually are, dropping games they would not normally, as the Knights of recent seasons normally would waltz through without losing any games. Far be it from me to point out the 2023 Cowboys’ 2-7 coach is not able to drive the Knights to better than 6-3 (or worse - with three Queensland teams to play, there are no easy outs left on the schedule) in 2024.
It’s too early to preview this with any degree of certainty. If the Broncos play like they have over the last three weeks, they’ll probably win with the Knights current injury problems. If Keilee Joseph is the median mode of production from the pack, then that’s a very good place to be. A win here would move the Broncos to 5-2 with the best points difference in the league and just about wrap up a finals place.
Next month for the gals
Rd7 at Knights (McDonald Jones, Newcastle), Sunday 6.10pm
Rd8 vs Sharks (C-Bus Super Stadium, Robina), Saturday 12pm: The Sharks are the surprise packet of this season, having improved greatly on last season and now boasting the best defence in the competition. The Broncos have the best attack, which is now responsible for 114 points in the last four weeks. Grand final preview? Perhaps but I’d be happy to lose that because that means the Broncos will win when it matters.
Rd9 at Dragons (QCB Stadium, Townsville), Saturday 1.30pm: Given the Dragons have beaten the Broncos exactly once, in 2022, by a single point, I don’t think I’ll be too on the edge of my seat for this one.
The final Pony Picayune for 2024 will be a season review, published after the women’s season concludes.
News
Sailor sets sail to St Helens. Faretheewell, we’ll always have the three months of 2023 that you were pretty good. It saddens me to report that the Dragons got something right.
Corey Oates seems less likely to join him now that Saints look to sign his nemesis, Kyle Feldt.
Kobe to Tigers? This is barely a rumour and usually below my threshold for re-reporting but if it did come to pass, that would give some consolation that someone at Red Hill might still have a brain that can discern good from bad after the disaster that has been the pack depth this year. It would be nice to have that optimism again.
Ezra Mam has had surgery for his ankle, as has Reece Walsh for his hand. Reece might inexplicably return for the Storm game.
The Walsh/Oates thing is the biggest media moron story of… well, the last month. Only to be eclipsed by Billy Walters quitting Triple M.
Clint Gutherson is on the Darius Boyd career trajectory.
Rewind
Huh, so that's where that came from: one of the most cocaine drenched sporting franchises in human history. I love the idea of Paul Morgan and co visiting America to learn about American pro sports and being like, “This is pretty good. They won't possibly know we stole it. How could they?” Listening to podcasts, bucko!
I should've known something that felt entirely too early 90s Australiana was in fact recycled mid-80s American garbage. This is like finding out Santa Claus doesn’t exist.