Welcome to Pony Picayune, a monthly newsletter about the Brisbane Broncos.
Reece Walsh is a mutant, extraterrestrial and several other words which, despite being dehumanising insults, are meant to convey his superhuman capability. It turns out this side does not need Adam Reynolds because Ben Hunt will do. We can even survive without Ezra Mam because Billy Walters seems intent on playing big boy football. A functional first grade hooker exists in the aggregate of third and fourth string choices. Put Walsh out there behind a pack led by Payne Haas, and if Jaiyden Hunt could just get off the field permanently, the sky would be the limit.
By now, you might have heard that the Brisbane Broncos beat the Melbourne Storm on the evening of Thursday, the fourth of September, 2025 in front of nearly 45,000 at Suncorp Stadium. It was the first win over the Storm since 2023, the first in the regular season since 2016 and the first regular season win over Melbourne at Suncorp since 2009. To say we've been waiting a while for this is an understatement.
The normally passive, chatty crowd got increasingly hostile as redundant set restart was piled on top of redundant set restart, less gifting the opposition any advantage so much as gesturing to how useless the referee was planning to be in dealing with Melbourne’s laggardly ruck work and inviting Brisbane to do likewise. When Mariner got sin binned, I thought Atkins might need a police escort to make it off the field at half time. Smartly, the referee took Asofa-Solomona out too (who should've been sent off for not running off the field, per the rules) and took some heat off his back and out of the stadium. Despite the painful efforts of the ground announcers to drown out the game with a constant stream of exhortions to mindlessly chant, the home fans remained loud throughout the second half.
Moments and conditions like that, Walsh manhandling Coates, the 40/20 and the relentless effort in defence were the fulcrums around which the result was brought to bear. The underlying Asterix-esque magic potion was a little toilet water, consumed for for its benefits in recovery. If there aren't dozens of kids in greater Brisbane looking at their porcelain thrones and wondering what if? then the sport of rugby league is dead as we know it.
To the extent that any explanation is needed for the performance against the Storm, Walsh's eau de toilette is as good as any. A normal person might suggest that last night was the first time the Broncos put it all together: a 90% completion rates, a huge win in error margin and the only boneheaded penalties were awarded because Grant Atkins is a [redacted].
A smarter person might realise that since the end of May, the Broncos have lost just two games. The first was against an Eels side that played up, played well and will be a thorn in the competition next year. The other was against the Storm in the inverse of last night's game: 62% completion rate, a comfortable loss on errors and boneheaded penalties galore. That's a 10-2 record since that pathetic loss to Manly. Now the Broncos have locked in fourth place and head to Canberra to play the minor premiers.
Unless the Broncos are currently paying 17 plumbers to install brand new toilets in 17 Broncos homes, a repeat of that level of performance seems unlikely. The Raiders have been the second most annoying team to watch the Broncos play over the last few years, with their niggle, their pack and their self-belief. In many ways, that describes a much better version of the Storm the Broncos just put to bed. If the team is shown the way forward by Reece “Toilet” Walsh and the Haas of Payne can inflict damage, then why not?
By finishing fourth, the premiership task has been reduced to three hard fought wins in a row. The team is stacked with plenty of hardened veterans, so the scale of the occasion should not be an impediment. Those games are each 80 minutes long and the Broncos really only need to string together 40 really good, non-consecutive minutes in that 80 and they can blow any other team out of the water.
Then again, Canberra might show us why they’ve won 19 games and counting and the Broncos could trip over their shoe laces against the Roosters in the second week and it will be all over. Or the Broncos could be dealing with the Panthers or Storm in week 3 and it’s a different ballgame, both of which offer chances to permanently vanquish ghosts or summon them anew. Or any other possible permutations. I am not getting my hopes up and everything good that happens from this moment on in the season will be a pleasant surprise.
For the women, the situation is different only in tone. We are so obviously just waiting for the finals to start. Second place is set in stone with two games to go against the Warriors and the Cowboys. These will be useful preparation insofar as there is any in this league but the only place the Broncos can go is first if the Roosters lose to either the Raiders or the Sharks and the Broncos win more games than they do.
A preliminary final win is not only necessary to advance to a grand final against (almost certainly) Sydney City but it would break the drought of finals wins that extends back to 2020. In their rush to hand wring over the state of the competition and whine about good players returning to play for their home club, commentators often overlook that the Broncos ain't done shit in years. It's time for that to change.
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