Ducking being held to account by Cliff0324587456897
Ducking being held to account by Cliff0324587456897
Dolphins win, Broncos win, Titans lose, Cowboys lose, Chevy Stewart, Romy Teitzel and ANZAC Day
Darwin is one of the many cities of The
“Redcliffe! Redcliffe! Redcliffe!” An actual crowd chant in Darwin, which sounded a little ironic to start and gained sincerity as the Dolphins stormed through the Eels to score nine tries in 44 minutes. It seems Darwin, like Redcliffe and Moreton Bay, Rockhampton, the Sunshine Coast and a non-trivial part of Brisbane, are part of the nebulous The of The Dolphins.
The Dolphins’ injury woes are well documented at this point, missing their four best players and more. It was insanely humid in Darwin and while it wasn’t technically raining, the sheer volume of sweat made it look like it may as well have been. The Eels had control of the game through the first half hour and then didn’t, as their touted big forwards cooked themselves and Parramatta lacked answers for the Dolphins’ speed and bravery.
This kind of victory is one of the reasons writing this newsletter is satisfying (most weeks). The win was a team effort but two players stood out. Once the forwards got into the game, Trai Fuller played with a speed and commitment that will help ease concerns that the Dolphins have nothing to offer in attack without the voltage of Tabuai-Fidow.
The Fox commentators realised mid-game that Fuller is good, actually. If only there was a way to have known this in advance but sadly, there is no possible way to watch QCup from 2018 until even now or look up Fuller on RLP and see 52 tries in 88 games with a 65% win percentage. Instead, we must be forced to rely on one late-season appearance against the Wests Tigers, in which he scored a try, and draw all our conclusions from that.
This was the first good Tesi Niu game that I can remember. Niu came up through Souths Logan, the heir fullback to Jamayne Isaako’s 2017 campaign and pre-Origin Corey Allan’s 2018. Niu was fine. The 2019 Magpies weren’t great in any case and perhaps more encouragingly, Niu also played Australian schoolboys in 2018 and for Tonga against Great Britain in 2019.
Niu followed Isaako again, this time to the Broncos. Isaako’s father died in 2020 and lacking support in the toxicity of the Seibold era and the harsh early years of the Kevolution, fell out of form in mid-2021 and left the club entirely in mid-2022, ahead of his personal nadir in that game for Tweed.
Isaako’s loss was Niu’s gain, as the Tongan-Australian moved from centre and took over at fullback in the second half of 2021. This had been the club’s medium-term plan but it had one flaw: Tesi wasn’t very good. He was, in fact, terrible. He couldn’t defend. He couldn’t run with power or speed. He was never where he was supposed to be. How was this ever going to be the future?
Niu was put out of his misery early in 2022, replaced by Te Maire Martin on his way back to the NRL after recovering from a brain bleed. Traditionally a half, Martin’s capable play at 1 turned the season around enough for the Broncos to finish 13-11.
This is all to say I’ve spent a lot of time watching Tesi Niu and I just didn’t see anything worth keeping him in first grade. Having returned to Souths Logan, I watched him ass about with Albert Kelly at Davies Park at the end of 2022, putting up minimal resistance in a crushing victory for Redcliffe. His departure to the NRL Dolphins was a relief.
He’s one of those people whose incompetence has so thoroughly disgusted me that’s all I can see when those people personally defy me by continuing to exist where I can see them (long time readers will know some other names that fall into this category). Yet, Wayne Bennett, coach of nearly a thousand first grade games, brought him to Kippa Ring and kept selecting him through 2024. While Te Whare and others have their deficiencies, especially in defence, Niu has them in spades. It didn’t make sense.
Well, this is what he can do. Give Tesi a million percent humidity, a wilting Eels and some damn confidence and the 22 year old can do something right. Even if this isn’t the start of the Tesi Niu Era, he earned this moment in the sun.
Meanwhile, let’s check in to see how the Eels fans took it:
I was going to save a bit for the ungrateful Darwin fans, who would rather cheer a team that didn’t even exist two years ago than support the club that has taken games up there for ten years, but they look like the smart ones right now.
I read this post because I thought it would be funny, and it was in terms of pure schadenfreude. However unlike the Eels’ defence, I refuse to take these claims lying down.
Firstly, the “Redcliffe District Rugby League Football Club Inc. was founded on 27 February 1947”, which makes the Dolphins as old as the Eels, who were also founded in 1947. Unlike the Eels, Redcliffe had to actually earn their way into the NRL, instead of being handed a place because of their proximity to the Harbour Bridge. As a reminder, more Immortals have played for the Dolphins (1) than the Eels (0) and the clubs have won the same number of NRL premierships.
Secondly, the Northern Territory pays the Eels to bring a home game to Darwin. The fans in the stands are customers twice over, first through their taxes and then again in buying tickets, and the customer is always right. The Eels aren’t doing them some kind of favour by going up there. Parramatta are completing a commercial transaction, one that was probably best “value” for money for the government. No one asked Territory rugby league fans if they wanted the Eels of all teams to swan in once a year, play like dogshit and not only act like they own the place, but act like anyone owes them anything.
The Eels have voluntarily given up home games in front of their own fans only to be consecutively dacked by the Cowboys, Broncos and now the Dolphins over the last three years. Given the Eels’ recent preference for taking entertaining interstate clubs up north, handing over at least half the crowd to the opposition while preferring to bore the Sydney-based fans with yet another round of some southern dreck they think is a derby, means that perhaps even the Titans will get a chance to de-pants Parramatta in Darwin before the deal expires in 2025.
The crowd will probably love it because you get the support you deserve.
Thank you for reading The Maroon Observer
The Game: Tigers vs Capras (QRLM)
Here’s a brief respite from the BMD premiership to check in with the men's competition.
Observations
The QRL described this as gritty. That's one way of putting it. Error prone due to a mix of wet and player handling would be more precise. This wasn't a joy to sit through and we didn't get a lot of information out of it. This kind of game is why I don’t do standalone posts for Cup games anymore because sometimes they’re just not worth that much content.
Some of the post-game quotes indicate the makings of a real rivalry between Easts and Central, which is interesting. While this was a replay of last year's prelim, the two previous regular season meetings were decided by a total of six points, albeit both in the Tigers’ favour. You'd have to go back to 2021 to find the last time the Capras beat the Tigers. It’s not a natural geographical fit but sometimes these things come out of sheer competitiveness.
Lachlan Hubner had a nice touch to set up a try, his confidence not totally obliterated by his NRL start and an earlier error. Would like to see more of Treigh Stewart before deciding if he has Dude-like qualities. Edrick Lee looks comfortable out there. Bennett Leslie’s hair is, uh, distinctive.
Even taking into account the conditions, I don’t think I will be relying on Jonah Pezet or Jack Madden to save my life with a field goal.
Ryley Jacks arguing the toss while a player is on the ground and has clearly been hit in the head by one of his teammates is poor. It's clearly a penalty, as the blood provides plenty of evidence of contact to the head. Let the MRC sort the rest out and get out of the way, dingus.
Referee Tyson Brough is the son of Rob Brough. There you go. Wikipedia (and/or the agency he paid to punch up his page a little bit) tells me Brough senior does seven nightly bulletins across regional Queensland which is, frankly, an insane workload, even to me, a person who doesn’t believe reading a teleprompter constitutes work. I also did not realise he was Mal Brough’s brother. Truly, a Queensland power family.
Fixing the Titans
It’s better to lose by a little than a lot, even if the head coach’s losing streak is a baker’s dozen and spans three years. The Titans have moved out of the slow start to the season phase, what with the injuries to key players and the new coach facing a coronial inquest, to just being regular NRL bad.
We’re starting to get an idea of what Hasler’s Titans could be. The forwards can throw a few jabs, albeit their ball handling is terrible. The axis of Foran, Fifita, Brimson and Khan-Pereira (his stint at the Jets is still criminally negligent) can create some points when the opportunity arises. Defence is a work in progress - Brian Kelly getting out there and whacking guys won't hurt - but has been less embarrassingly porous over the last fortnight than the preceding month.
But Tanah Boyd and Chris Randall are big problems. Both have a serious case of the Billy Walters, getting carried away with the momentum of the game and attempting bigger plays than their talent can deliver (except Walters has some redeeming features, like being the son of the coach and sometimes actually executing his big plays). Boyd has thrown embarrassing intercepts in multiple games. Randall seems to not understand that when given the choice between right and left, in football as in politics, the answer is always left.
Perhaps that problem is easier to fix than replacing half the spine would suggest. Once Campbell is fit again, he moves to fullback, bringing Brimson forward to five-eighth and sending Boyd to Ipswich. At dummy half, simply starting and giving the bulk of minutes to Verrills might help. Signing Cory Paix away from the Broncos would be better. Tampering Ben Hunt out of Wollongong would’ve been best.
Gold Coast have left themselves too much work to do to make finals in 2024. The odds of this 0-6 team turning around and delivering 13-5 between now and September are laughably small. The Titans won’t get to play Tom Trbojevic’s disinterested ass every week. Project 2026 is looking like a disaster but they might want to consider at least aiming for avoiding the spoon. The Tans are only two wins behind the Knights, who can’t rely on Ponga for the next three months, and have a game in hand.
I have no ideas for fixing the Cowboys as yet. Seems like there’s a bit to do. On the other hand:
Hell yeah, North East Coast baby! Lob dem nukes.
Intermission
It’s good that a wet Suncorp has become a graveyard for fullbacks. I'm going to turn on the sprinklers and end James Tedesco’s career on May 3. More at The Sportress.
As a bonus, this is a week old but I didn't finish watching this game before last week's newsletter went out and g’damn:
ANZAC Day
I posted this last year and I don’t think it stinks. If ANZAC Day is a day for reflection, then here’s mine.
Dad did the minimum stint in the army in the 80s to get himself sorted out, which was a relatively common career path in his side of the family, and fell in between Vietnam and Iraq, sparing himself a lifetime of post-traumatic stress. It's also where he met Mum and how he ended up in Queensland. Mum’s father did national service and his father was a civil engineer and deemed more important to home front than being sent into the meat grinder.
Dad’s paternal grandfather volunteered for the army in World War II and he was - and I quote my grandfather here - “rejected on the grounds that, being too sensitive, he could not be relied upon to kill anyone”, which is as good a reason as any I guess.
Dad’s other grandfather served in the Royal Navy on the HMS Curacoa. Let’s find out how 337 people died:
On the morning of 2 October 1942, Curacoa rendezvoused north of Ireland with the ocean liner Queen Mary, which was carrying approximately 10,000 American troops of the 29th Infantry Division. The liner was steaming an evasive "Zig-Zag Pattern No. 8" course at a speed of 28.5 knots, an overall rate of advance of 26.5 knots, to evade submarine attacks. The elderly cruiser remained on a straight course at a top speed of 25 knots and would eventually be overtaken by the liner.
Each captain had different interpretations of The Rule of the Road believing his ship had the right of way. Captain John Wilfred Boutwood of Curacoa kept to the liner's mean course to maximize his ability to defend the liner from enemy aircraft, while Commodore Sir Cyril Gordon Illingworth of Queen Mary continued their zig-zag pattern expecting the escort cruiser to give way.
At 13:32, during the zig-zag, it became apparent that Queen Mary would come too close to the cruiser and the liner's officer of the watch interrupted the turn to avoid Curacoa. Upon hearing this command, Illingworth told his officer to: "Carry on with the zig-zag. These chaps are used to escorting; they will keep out of your way and won't interfere with you." At 14:04, Queen Mary started the starboard turn from a position slightly behind the cruiser and at a distance of two cables (366 m). Boutwood perceived the danger, but the distance was too close for either of the hard turns ordered for each ship to make any difference at the speeds that they were travelling. Queen Mary struck Curacoa amidships at full speed, cutting the cruiser in half…
Those who witnessed the collision were sworn to secrecy due to national security concerns. The loss was not publicly reported until after the war ended, although the Admiralty filed a writ against Queen Mary's owners, Cunard White Star Line, on 22 September 1943 in the Admiralty Court of the High Court of Justice… Mr. Justice Pilcher exonerated Queen Mary's crew and her owners from blame on 21 January 1947 and laid all fault on Curacoa's officers. The Admiralty appealed his ruling and the Court of Appeal modified the ruling, assigning two-thirds of the blame to the Admiralty and one third to Cunard White Star.
As Australia tries to work itself into a patriotic fervour as a cheap facsimile of the American religious reverence for The Troop, powered by the Department of Defence, all I can think is that if any of those men had any clarity in their final thoughts as boilers exploded and steel crushed limbs and pierced organs and water filled lungs, it probably would’ve been that this is a pretty fucking stupid way to go.
Upcoming Slate
QRLM - Bears vs Hunters at Pizzey Park, Saturday 3pm
This is the QCup’s traditional ANZAC Day weekend game. A couple of years ago, a slightly younger but just as ineffective Tanah Boyd, got a bit carried away, screaming in the face of a Hunters player that had just been dragged into touch. It was a somewhat classless moment from a guy who was supposed to be a first grader. I also briefly used it as a meme template, so who’s the real jerk here? The reason this sticks in the mind is that year’s vintage of Hunters under Matt Church played extremely aggressively, mostly to make up for a lack of skill and also because they were based away from home (remember covid?). The Stanley Tepend Hunters brought a less psychotic attitude to the field for two years, including a win in this fixture in 2022. Now with Paul Aiton, the Hunters had the measure of the Dolphins for 40 minutes last week, prompting the local commentators to talk about how the Hunters were getting back to the old ways, i.e. running fast and hitting hard. That didn’t end up going so well and we’ll see how it goes against a team PNG have beaten twice since their 2017 premiership. Tip: Bears
QRLW - Wynnum vs Clydesdales at Kougari, Sunday 12.05pm
There are six teams on 3 or 3.5 wins in the BMD at the moment and only three of them will join the Cutters in the finals. The Clydesdales, featuring Brigginshaw, Hancock and Ciesiolka, are at the top of that group and the Seagulls, last year’s runners-up and featuring Teitzel, Bass and Lofipo, are at the bottom. This feature game then shapes up as being potentially important in deciding where the premiership will land. Wynnum have not named a 9 at time of writing, that being Emma Barnes’ starting position, which is not inspiring. Tip: Clydesdales
NRLM - Dolphins vs Knights at Suncorp, Sunday 2pm
Is this a Dolphins newsletter now? No but they’ve got the most potentially interesting game of the Q4 this weekend, with the Broncos likely to crush the Tigers (Mam, Cobbo or otherwise) and the Cowboys and Titans likely to be crushed by their opponents. The Dolphins at least have a scintilla of competitiveness in their fixture, even if the Knights are struggling to move forward, can’t settle on a halves pairing and Ponga is out with a Lisfranc injury. I’m keen to see if the Dolphins can replicate their Darwin dominance over another miserable NSW franchise. Tip: Dolphins
(Tips 12 / 22)
Watch Guide
Weather - Auckland: 15 - 19 cloudy; Brisbane: Saturday 16 - 23 partly cloudy, Sunday 15 - 23 clear; Townsville: Saturday 22 - 28 thunderstorms, Sunday 21 - 28 windy; Gold Coast: 17 - 23 partly cloudy; Rockhampton: 18 - 24 partly cloudy; Pootown: 13 - 19 rain.
Notes
Blackhawks: Missed this two weeks ago but here’s a Redfern → Townsville loan deal. Normal QCup clubs get NRL castoffs but the Blackhawks are making do with NSW Cup castoffs to fill injury holes. Not great.
Related: the Clydesdales and Bulldogs part ways as of June 30. That this is coming midseason tells you a lot about how much Western were getting out of this relationship, which must have been pretty close to nothing. The second half of the article is an attempt to attract a real NRL club. Problem is that the Broncos’, Dolphins’ and Storm’s dance cards are full. The Cowboys would probably only take on a third club if it was a conciliatory Blackhawks. That only leaves the Warriors, who are all-in in NSWRL, the Titans, a fate worse than death, or waiting for NRL18. Not great.
The NRL Twitter account went down for a bit. Mistakenly deactivated? Cost cutting? Ducking being held to account by Cliff0324587456897 on the latest Bunker clownery? Decided being active on a site filled with CSAM and animal torture videos is not a good brand fit? Who can say.
RL Writers: Marshall-King taking his chances, an old-school banana & Walsh weaving and Why wingers jam
Cowboys sign Karl Lawton. Broncos might extend Billy Walters.
Why rugby defector could be Townsville’s next Foley Shield star
Could Jahrome Hughes end up at the Titans? That would solve a couple of problems but if the Storm are serious, they’ll convince the NRL to put a bullet in the Titans and go back to 16 teams and relocate their franchise to the Gold Coast. The Gold Coast Storm: that would just work better for everyone (except for
).Dolphins supposedly in the running for Vegas 2025. NRL clubs will really ruin the first three weeks of their season for a junket but not the World Cup.
QRL dot com previews: SEQW, Gold Coast
Not Queensland: Aussie businessman insists North American comp will kick off next year. Also the England-France Test later in the year will be a curtain-raiser for Toulouse-Featherstone. Lol, what a sport.
Why are the Broncos short on second rowers? Ahem
Nickelware
The Clydesdales have lost top spot on the pyramid for the first time since I started tracking this particular piece of nickelware. If the men’s team doesn’t start winning some games, the Bears and Cutters (that’s still going to take some getting used to) won’t be the last to pass them.
