Foundational tedium
Welcome to The Maroon Observer, a weekly newsletter about rugby league, Queensland and rugby league in Queensland.
Around the grounds
Storm 50 defeated Broncos (M) 12. I hated this weekend.
Cowboys (W) 24 defeated Tigers 22. This had all the hallmarks of the Cowboys giving themselves a wedgie against inferior opposition and that the marked improvement shown this season was more illusory than sustainable. If there’s anything to take from this, it’s that North Queensland played terribly - the left side defence of Naikore and Whitfeld was awful, Tillett was completely absent, Manzelmann tripped over herself a bunch of times - and still won the game. There are few more encouraging signs than that. The Cowboys have met my threshold for a successful season: three wins over basement teams plus a Queensland derby win. Anything after this is playing with house money - one more win and it’s a winning season - but this should never have been a contest.
Dolphins 36 defeated Capras 18. I hated that the temperature returned to normal and allowed Redcliffe to compete. The Dolphins got out to an almost insurmountable lead with four of the bullshittiest tries you’ll ever see (three that should have been held up but for an inch of chalk, one weird bounce that should have been better contested) in the first 20 minutes. I hated that the Capras worked their way back into the game with a run of possession thanks to Dolphins’ aggressive ill discipline, including a sin bin, late in the first half that gave some hope. I hated that Central played sideways and bombed tries and Bob Tenza had a bad day. Nonetheless, they accelerated into the end of the game so fast that they half convinced me they were going to close the 12 point gap in the last ten minutes, but not only came up short but did nothing of the sort. Redcliffe ultimately got home thanks to an incredible dedication to bashing the Capras and waiting for their will to compete (and bench options) to evaporate. This is not strictly speaking bad, as I hope Ben Te’o will bring this to Red Hill, but it’s hell being on the receiving end.
Cowboys (M) 44 defeated Bulldogs 6. These pricks are going to ass their way to a grand final. With one of the second rowers finally deciding to turn up and the Bulldogs turning back into the pumpkins we all knew deep down that they really were, North Queensland looked sublime (except when Scott Drinkwater needed to execute a defensive play). Perhaps the opposition wasn’t there but if this is the sixth best team in the league, the Cowboys are going to be fine. The only thing keeping them from the premiership is needing someone else to knock out the Storm.
Panthers 18 defeated Titans (M) 12.
Eels 24 defeated Titans (W) 10. For this, imagine I'm doing line readings of “what are we doing?” but with the stress on a different word each time. What are we doing? What are we doing? And so on, for about an hour. Gold Coast put on a better performance than North Queensland in their respective games but with the inverse result. This Titans season has an increasing element of element of Ralph Wiggum sitting in a tree, rolling his eyes, “I can't believe I used to go out with you.” That's me, Ralph Wiggum, wondering how this can all be so stupid. You’re 3-4. Do something.
Hunters 24 defeated Falcons 10. This game ruled, a much needed salve to temporarily restore one’s faith in the sport. It would best be described as a frank and robust exchange of views that deteriorated into a slugfest, which deteriorated further into Luke Polselli and Thallon Peters being huge bitches. Here’s Polselli’s highlights of the last fifteen minutes: a bunch of swinging arms as third man in, a lot of mouthiness, dumped on his face on the one run he took, kicked out on the full. Thallon Peters tried to take a Hunters pants off. Embarrassing. Everyone knows you're mad. You had 70 minutes to do something about it and you didn’t.
Warren Boland suggested the Falcons might be aggrieved for tries taken off them but with respect, Warren, that’s fucking loser talk. That’s why they lost. I have mentioned several times that I thought the Falcons could win the comp but I’m glad they lost. A 58 point win on July 21 turned into a 14 point loss on 8 September, when it mattered most. The biggest downside is that it provides further evidence that PNG football might be sustainable as a NRL operation. Somewhere Dean Ritchie would be smug, if there was any risk that he could be bothered to give a shit when he’s not being pandered to.
It would be unfair to describe the Hunters as a sledgehammer but a lot of their game relies on power running and power tackling, albeit at a less psychotic intensity than the Matt Church Hunters. That would also belie the savvy of Judah Rimbu, who is a blatantly fantastic player, and the basic but consistent playmaking skills of Mavoko and Lau. If that sounds like damning with faint praise, consider the other 11 teams that didn’t make it to the preliminary finals and be thankful Morea Morea isn't fit.
Knights 14 defeated Dolphins 6. The worst thing rugby league has ever done is give the town of Newcastle any sense of relevance. It’s a nothing town with a nothing team. If there was any justice in this world, when Tinkler sent the Knights to the financial brink, the NRL would have relocated the entire franchise to Ipswich, scrubbed them of their identity, elevated the Super League grand final as the One True 1997 Final and written personalised letters of apology to everyone for the decades-long error of judgement.
The second worst thing rugby league has ever done was whatever the Dolphins served up in this win-and-in game. You already did this. You already played the Knights and languidly sent the ball from side to side and got nothing for it. I was there. Just because the intensity was ratcheted up doesn’t mean the fundamentals are different. Where were your middles? Why did you not throw at least one punch? You keep running out of space on the edges because you’re not even pretending to compress the middle of the field. If I see Sean O’Sullivan again, I may [redacted]. Hold on to the goddamn football and the Cowboys wouldn’t be the only Queensland team in the finals, you goddamn pack of morons. Every NSW-based commentator is going to touch themselves while talking about this game.
Broncos (W) 32 defeated Knights 24. It would be extremely churlish to complain about the result and the somewhat wayward path to victory. However… no, I’m sick of hearing myself talk. Well done, ladies. The Broncos are legit.
Thank you for reading The Maroon Observer
Here’s some tables
Not much in the way of what passes for news this week, other than player movement speculation, various powders which THIS MASTHEAD is certainly not imputing is COCAINE, baffling driving offences, and it’s hard to tell which I care about less. It’s almost as if we’re at an important part of the season on the field and that’s what even the grimmest of journalists have at least one eye on.
In lieu of news, here are some tables of trivia that I’ve been working on (note: this is not the foundational tedium referred to in the title or below).
Programming note
We are effectively at the end of the season and this whole newsletter already has a last week of school vibe to it. There are four teams left in the QCup (down to two after this weekend), three in the NRLW (and likely only one makes the semis) and one in the NRLM playing elimination finals from here on.
We don’t have a lot of Queensland football left to play, unless the Cowboys go deep, which I am ambivalent about the probability of that happening. I wouldn’t be terribly surprised - irritated perhaps, but not surprised - if the only Queensland team on grand final day is in the NRL State Championship.
Based on last year, some news will drop after the final whistle but the interest - from both you and me - will not be there. Even if it is expansion announcement, it will be at most something like Western Bears in ‘26/’27, PNG in ‘27/’28 and maybe a third team in the ‘30-’32 range and probably a lot less exciting than that. That can wait until next year.
Here’s what’s left to do in 2024:
There will be at least one more Wednesday Maroon Observer newsletter next week. Depending on results, that may or may not be the last for the year. Normally (i.e. last year), I would do standalone club season reviews (and then end up repeating myself in the season preview) but I will probably just insert them into the last MO and keep it brief.
The exception is that there will be a full Broncos season review in The Pony Picayune, once the women’s team is finished.
I’ll write up the Queensland Cup grand final in the usual style and have already prepared quick shot reviews for each of the clubs to conclude that.
There will be a Stats Drop dropping deep in the off-season, depending on when I complete the required foundational tedium that underpins the pretty graphs. It will be extremely wonky and philosophical.
After that, you won’t hear from me until 2025. Thank you for reading and subscribing and emailing this year, you’re all appreciated.
Intermission
For a guy who generally only has one button to press with ball in hand in the red zone, Tom Dearden keeps generating some all-time defensive highlights.
Haven't had a lot of opportunities to appreciate some QCup sunsets this year but dang.
Upcoming Slate
NRLW - Broncos vs Sharks at C-Bus, Saturday 12pm
Ideally, Cronulla wouldn’t have messed their bed against Easts last week and then Brisbane would be able to claim this as a grand final preview, or at least a semi-finals tune-up, but that battering has taken some of the air out of the occassion. The Broncos looked comfortable against the Knights and waited for the game to come to them. The pack is doing brilliantly at smashing the middle and the backs at probing and turning half breaks into full breaks. The goal line defence has been impressive. The Sharks have been efficient and competent but I doubt they have the capability either side of the ball to contain Brisbane. Tip: Broncos
NRLW - Titans vs Knights at C-Bus, Saturday 1.45pm
I’ve advocated for Lofipo to be in the team and she finally was, at five-eighth, and it didn’t go great against the Eels. Offensive responsibilities seemed to be split 50/50 between Brown and Lofipo, down from Brown’s usual 95%, and while Lofipo constantly opted for the grubber, in lieu of running or passing, I’d still prefer to see that split and would like to make an application to chalk up last week’s result to weirdness, rather than tactical incompetence. Expect the Titans to go better this week, perhaps having… never mind Lauren Brown is out. Tip: Knights
QRLM - Pride vs Dolphins at Barlow Park, Saturday 2.10pm
We could talk styles. The Pride are patient, well-drilled and persistent with capable playmaking options. The Dolphins are blunt force trauma personified into a cetacean-themed football team. This isn’t precisely a clash of styles but there is one button Redcliffe will mash (it’s your face). If Northern gets on top of that, then I don’t have a lot of confidence that the 2.Phins’ backs can make up the difference.
But the real story is that the coach for one team will be coaching the other team next year. How will that affect proceedings? Would you go out there and stomp your future club into the ground to prove they were right to hire you or go easy on your future co-workers? Truly, a trolley problem of rugby league. Part of me is expecting the wheels to come off the Pride’s season right here and now, as has often happens in the Queensland Cup, and the coaching provides just the right motivation but I am a coward. Tip: Pride
NRLM - Cowboys vs Knights at QCB, Saturday 7.50pm
To speak of “avenging” the Dolphins would be insane. The relationships between the clubs do not work like that. However, for me, the generic Queensland rugby league fan whose three closest men’s teams have been eliminated and has a particular, possibly pathological, distaste for the Knights, I need the Cowboys to put 30 on here and end this madness. Just do me one favour this year. Just put them away so we can go back to talking about how unserious you are against the Sharks in week 2. Tip: Cowboys
NRLW - Cowboys vs Roosters in Gosford, Sunday 12pm
I don’t know if you saw but the Roosters just eviscerated the Sharks to the tune of 40-0. That’s not great if you are Cronulla or the team that has to go after them, the North Queensland Cowboys. This is a real test of the sustainability of that improvement from last year. Beating the Roosters would be a serious stretch goal on the season but why not give it a crack? What’s the worst that could happen? Kirra Dibb ACL? Oh god no! Tip: Roosters
QRLM - Devils vs Hunters at Bishop Park, Sunday 2.10pm
Unlike the other final, this is a battle of clever and experienced spine players. It’s the Jordan Lipp versus Sanny Wabo clash we’ve all been on tenterhooks for. Actually, Kierran Moseley versus Judah Rimbu should be some cool stuff in The Rake-Off. Those Dolphin-clad forwards might be a bit of a problem for the Hunters though.
The Hunters have ripped off five straight wins and will be bruised coming into this. The Devils had the week off after finally winning a bloody game. I think the home team should be favourites but let’s leave some doubt in the outcome for PNG to surprise on the upside. Tip: Devils
(Tips 43 / 86)
Notes
I belatedly realised that I made a few mistakes in the last edition, which is what happens when you try to write a novella about Conflict on Caxton III in a week and then still have to finish the main newsletter at 10pm the night before. While this year’s format choices has left me feeling like less of a husk than the sheer volume of 2023, I can only promise it will happen again many more times.
Every journalist in the land is emptying their clip into Walters’ career. Pam Whaley was the only one I read and she compared the Broncos to a cob loaf. I don’t have the will to read anything else but I’m confident it reinforces my pre-existing opinions. That said, Seibold got a bunch of poop shovelled on him at the end of 2019 but survived to single-handedly ruin the calendar year of 2020, so buckle up.
I am more concerned by Brent Read claiming Andrew Abdo has a “deep love and passion for rugby league” and Blake Solly is “highly intelligent” without mentioning how good he is at hiding it.
Cowboys: Harata Butler and China Polata ruled out for the year. Polata just has no luck. Neame extends for one.
Dolphins: Tom Flegler to undergo nerve surgery to fix his shoulder. Could be another 6-12 months.
Stadia: The Falcons, and we can now resume our quasi-friendship that enough time has passed since Sunday, will play out of Kawana Dolphins while Sunshine Coast Stadium is undergoing Olympic works. Browne Park is slated to be finished mid-2025, so multiple clubs will be on the road next year.
Sandgoannas pitch in to support vital Central West health service
Dave Penna re-signs as Tweed coach. That is a bit surprising after the season they’ve had.
Brains: Sports concussions in non-athletes not linked to long-term cognitive effects (phew)
Not rugby league: Part of the experience of going to a game used to be in the visit from the suburbs to the big city. Why do it in reverse? Why spend a thousand dollars to get all fired up to spend the afternoon at the high-class equivalent of an Applebee’s? The problem with the Sydney’s suburban stadiums is that they’re not even Applebees, more like a dilapidated beer barn filled with pokies and customers that haven’t moved in decades.
Not anything in particular: Don’t Look Back in Anger. Funny how I agree with the thesis but disagree with the evidence cited. You can’t argue for an endless recycling of the 80s when the lede is an Oasis reunion tour and how that’s a pastiche of 60s rock and a rejection of 80s aesthetics. The author also appears to be unaware of what The Youth are up to (I don’t pretend to know what that is but I also suspect it’s something incomprehensibly and vacuously novel) but if you’re new to the “please let something new happen” discourse - one of my personal simmering resentments - this is good introductory material.
Nickelware
It’s a bit late but the NQT managed to snatch the win in the final round of the Affiliates Premiership for 2024. It’s been a strong year for North Queensland: last team standing in the NRLM (despite their NRL North performance), vastly improved in the NRLW, the Pride minor premiers and on their way to a grand final and the Cutters winning the women’s premiership.
I wonder if I should be excluding intra-confederation games from the confederation’s total record, seeing as they just net out to no real change, adding a win and a loss. I suspect having more affiliates means the percentage tends more towards .500 because of this. Maybe when I get around to calculating the premierships back to 2008 and creating an honour roll, a la the Queensland divisional honour roll (now with more women!), we’ll see if it makes a difference. I’ll probably also replace the flags with logos again but they were just what I had to hand.
Interesting that the Clydesdales were leading the way by the time the women’s season finished but fell to mid-table because their open men’s team could only generate one win. A 9-11 season would have been enough for Western to finish atop the ladder with the state’s best overall program. Instead, that goes to Burleigh, as if they haven’t enjoyed enough success. Whether the Dales’ overall strength of program contributes to a successful future, we’ll see. Tweed have been a force in the espoirs category for a while but it hasn’t translated at the senior level.
The Pyramid Matrix now having a sorting capability (which I don’t think works in the email but will on the website if you click through) gives this table a whole lot more clarity and flexibility than before.