Welcome to The Pony Picayune, a monthly newsletter about the Brisbane Broncos.
What is this?
You are already a subscriber to The Maroon Observer. The Pony Picayune is a spin-off newsletter that is dedicated to the Brisbane Broncos rugby league football teams.
The PP will run at the end of each month during the season, with a recap and look ahead with some light analysis. I’m not planning on making this particularly complicated. Think strategy, rather than tactics, and impressions and vibes rather than bench rotations and forward minutes. It couldn’t possibly be worse than the uninformed hyperventilation turned out by Courier Mail reporters at training and the brainless drivel on talk radio.
If you don’t want to receive a dedicated Broncos newsletter, that’s fair enough. You should be able to unsubscribe via the link at the bottom of this email but remain subscribed to the main Maroon Observer newsletter, which will continue each week in-season from here until I get tired of doing it or get sued out of existence.
I was thinking about launching this newsletter for next season but with Walters’ ass now firmly welded on to the hot seat and my love for getting down in the muck and slinging mud when things are bad, it’s important to not let an opportunity to experiment go to waste
The hot seat
It won’t surprise anyone if I state for the record that I don’t think, and have not really ever thought, that Kevin Walters was up for the job of head coach of the Brisbane Broncos.
In 2021, I thought that the best case would be he’d stick around for a couple of years, clean up Seibold’s mess, get stuck on the wrong side of mid-table and get punted for someone who can drive the club back towards the top end of the ladder. That has more or less turned out to be what’s happened, albeit with a grand final appearance in there to complicate the assessment.
Walters had enough skill and genuine playing talent at his disposal to deliver a winning season in 2022, albeit capped with an all-time capitulation over the last six weeks, and rode the tsunami of vibes to a grand final in 2023, with a similarly historical capitulation in front of a national audience.
My nature is to be pessimistic but in what I’ve written in the last 12 months or so, I’ve tried to be optimistic (and failed but I tried) that the grand final appearance, as harrowing as the final result turned out to be, was indicative that Walters had gotten it together and figured the job out. 2024 was definitely going to be another year of contention, even if Brisbane in all likelihood wasn't going to reach the final weekend.
Sometimes you just don’t want to be a party pooper.
Following the loss to the Bulldogs, Pam Whaley did a good job of opening this week with an all-time, very public whaling on the entire concept of the Broncos before the Cobbo news - whatever that turns out to actually be - broke.
You might be tempted to chalk this up to News throwing their stablemates under an oncoming bus for clicks, and it is definitely a little bit of that (see also: this newsletter), but it is also entirely justified.
Gorden Tallis’ heroic attempt to Hodgson-ragdoll the playing group into Walters’ place in the path of the bus is less justifiable. To suggest Adam Reynolds, who has barely played at all and hid his face from the cameras when on the sidelines out of sheer disappointment when injured, be stripped of captaincy for the poor results is more evidence, as if it were needed, that former players rarely have the answers.
What’s gone wrong in 2024 to bring the Broncos down from the lofty heights of all but 20 minutes of the 2023 season is normally reserved for a post-season post-mortem but it feels important to attempt diagnosis on the fly.
The Broncos lost an Origin-calibre forward to the Dolphins, another (ostensibly) to the Warriors and also Keenan Palasia, who I’d struggle to pick out of a lineup, to the Titans. The Broncos did not sign any second rowers to fill the yawning chasm that Kurt Capewell hadn’t really filled while still in the maroon and gold and has relied on Brendan Piakura for mixed-to-poor results.
Jordan Riki’s career year in 2023, like Billy Walters’ and Kobe Hetherington’s, ended mid-grand final. Reece Walsh has been in and out of the lineup and Tristan Sailor hasn’t found the form of last year to make up the difference, so he’s off to Super League (for reals this time). Adam Reynolds and Jesse Arthars were missing for longer and the drop to their replacements was chasmic.
Tyson Smoothy has been fine but is hardly a game breaker. Mam is a game breaker but has looked lost with the increasing playmaking responsibilities placed squarely on his 21 year old shoulders. Carrigan and Haas are exhausted from having to carry these bums. The third starting middle is Corey Jensen. Cobbo, Staggs and Mariner are rarely afforded the space required to flex their muscles and spread their wings.
A lot of which sounds like recruitment problems, injuries and bad luck. That’s one way of looking at it, and almost certainly how Red Hill will view it when all is said and done and so Walters will still have the job in 2025.
There are other issues. The secret sauce of 2023’s success was not the lightning attack but the staunch goal line defence, which has completely deserted the team this year.
The lack of yardage and field position is symptomatic of a team whose pack is nowhere near as effective. Good forwards get you down field and pummell the defence while doing so. It becomes much easier to find the opportunities for the nuclear line breaks that the Broncos rely on when the defence has been tenderised (see round 15 last year versus the Knights for the archetype of this style of play).
The Broncos are spreading it wide early in 2024 because they know they can’t get through the middle. Without the fatigue of having to stop the gut punches, the opposition can then better keep up with the long range ICBM attacks and wait for the inevitable handling errors. As a result of these collapses on both sides of the play, confidence vapourises, desperation builds and results erode away to nothing.
Why don’t we have solutions to these issues? If Walters is simply letting the players decide how they play without steering to more successful strategies, and perhaps offering some (seemingly ineffective) motivation along the way, while making dubious decisions (remember the players that were rested earlier in the year?), then it’s not clear what value is being gained for the expense of his salary.
As it stands, the Broncos are as likely as not to finish on single digit wins, beating out only the interim coached Eels and Rabbitohs, the eternally hapless Tigers and, if they’re lucky, a year one Des Hasler at the least successful franchise in the sport.
Walters may be a very nice guy, which is not something I usually acknowledge, but he’s a meathead who is out of answers and can’t even manage the vibe and so in other news, Brisbane Broncos poach Ben Te’o from Dolphins to join coaching staff in 2025. “Walters is also understood to be considering Parramatta interim coach Trent Barrett for another assistant’s role from next season.” Yeesh. I do not like Trent Barrett, Broncos interim coach, one bit.
If there’s one thing to be optimistic about, it’s that it could always get worse.
Thank you for reading the Pony Picayune
Last month
Round 18 (M): Panthers 14 defeated Broncos 6
After I spent a lot of time making fun of the Blues for their BRAVE performance in game 1, it would feel a little hypocritical to praise the Broncos’ very BRAVE performance in holding the tide of Panthers’ football at bay for a bit over an hour. Sitll, it was brave and spoke to things that might possibly be returning to where we expected. Then again, in the depths of the wooden spoon season, the Panthers won 25-12, so it’s just not a fixture that gives a reliable sounding of progress.
Round 19 (M): Dragons 30 defeated Broncos 24
Obviously, the score does not reflect that this wasn’t a particularly close game. When mediocre teams have the game in the bag and take their foot off the gas, suddenly springing to life is not indicative that there’s something there. It’s a sign the opposition has decided to show you some degree of mercy. Sure, the Origin guys were out but that didn’t matter last year. I didn’t expect much, the Broncos delivered less and it was after the third try conceded in ten minutes that I resigned myself that there wasn’t going to be much to look forward to in the rest of this year.
Round 20 (M): Broncos 30 defeated Knights 14
As I said in that week’s The Maroon Observer, this looked a lot more like what we saw of the Broncos in 2023 than what has been served up this year. There were plenty of frustrating mistakes but the other team was so completely overwhelmed that Brisbane still managed to put up a decent score flying down the sides while letting in a few tries at the end to make it look more competitive than it was.
Round 1 (W): Eels 22 defeated Broncos 10
Is it bad if you, a potential premiership contender on paper, lose to a team that bookies had pegged in the race for the wooden spoon? That seems less than ideal. Four of those points were scored from a length of the field Julia Robinson intercept that is cool but not sustainable, as evidenced by the only other points coming from a bargeover from the ever reliable Chelsea Lenarduzzi. The Eels’ points all came in a half hour spell through the middle of the game and given their playmaking options are not that crash hot, indicates something wrong at the Broncos. You’d hope that a lot of this is round 1 rust.
Round 21 (M): Bulldogs 41 defeated Broncos 16
*loud farting noise*
The first half was fine, poised in the balance for a late comeback, but c’mon guys. A field goal of disrespect from the Bulldogs, a team that by all rights should have spent this season in the mire with the Tigers? Give me something to work with here.
Intermission
While the loss was absolutely devastating for the season’s prospects, this is still an absolutely phenomenal try.
Also, Julia Robinson: good.
Next up
Round 22 (M): Broncos at Titans (C-Bus Super, Gold Coast)
An early afternoon game that should be prime time by virtue of the biggest market team playing its oldest rival (more or less) but isn’t because I guess Fox really doesn’t want to share that just-woke-up-from-a-nap south-east Queensland audience.
This shouldn’t be the make or break part of the Broncos’ season. Putting that fate into the hands of the Gold Coast Titans seems extremely ill-advised, given the willingness to trip over the Titans’ rakes in the last few years. I missed the loss earlier this season while on holidays but personally attended the ‘slow your brain’ game last year, so the crack of the handle hitting forehead is still fresh in my mind.
This just really hinges on who turns up. The Broncos back five and their halves are clearly better than the Titans’. The packs and benches are less clear cut but most of Gold Coast’s players would be lucky to not have their skulls crushed by Payne Haas. Keep a lid on Fifita, don’t let Khan-Pereira get outside Arthars and the rest probably takes care of itself if you hold on to the damn ball and put a little effort into it.
Round 2 (W): Broncos at Roosters (New SFS, Sydney)
With a sample size of one and some of the shadows of last season to jump at, it’s difficult to plot a reliable form line. The nature of the women’s premiership is that it is both a) short and b) low-scoring, which means that defence goes a long way and there’s not a lot of room for figuring things out as the season progresses. Either you have it figured out and win twice as many games as you lose or you don’t play finals.
The Roosters looked fine, maybe even pretty good, but not exceptional in their first game. The Broncos did not look either of those things, so advantage Sydney I guess. I expect Brisbane to aim up but to fall short because they’re going to waste a month working out what works, again. In the meantime, there are plenty of seams for a competent side to pick at. Do not look up who the Chooks’ Maroons-calibre halfback is or if I spent a lot of time praising Jocelyn Kelleher earlier this year.
Next month for the boys
Rd22 at Titans (C-Bus Super, Gold Coast), Saturday 3pm
Rd23 at Cowboys (QCB, Townsville), Saturday 5.30pm: Trying to imagine this group stepping up when the pressure’s on in a big game is possible but it has been a long time since we’ve seen it actually happen. Maybe 23 September 2023? The Cowboys have been steadier of recent weeks but still lack the steel of top class teams, which makes them gettable. Oh and I just remembered Scott Drinkwater dropping four thousand balls earlier this year - fun.
Rd24 BYE: Oh thank god.
Rd25 vs Eels, Friday 8pm: If Brisbane come into this with two wins from the last two, then they should take care of business against a Parramatta who have nothing to play for and whose club is slowly disintegrating in the media. That’s by no means a sure thing.
Rd26 at Dolphins (Suncorp, Milton), Saturday 5.30pm: Note for attendees, this is the same night as River Fire, which should make things nice and easy trying to get to a 52k sell-out.
Next month for the gals
Rd2 at Roosters (New SFS, Sydney), Sunday 1.45pm
Rd3 vs Titans (Totally Workwear, Coorparoo), Sunday 1.45pm: The one true rivalry in the women’s game. The Titans handed the Broncos only their second ever NRLW loss in 2021 (the first in 2019) by two points, were beaten back in 2022 and then won in 2023 off a Lauren Brown field goal in golden point. If they’re going to get it together, beating a bunch of former teammates from down the road should be enough to get them up for it.
Rd4 vs Raiders (Totally Workwear, Coorparoo), Saturday 11am: Provided they get out of bed on time, this is a good opportunity for Canberra to prove their worth this season and to make good on last season’s flogging handed out at the Broncos’ 2023 high water mark. Brisbane, unlikely to be in the top tier with the best of the best, need this win to keep ahead of their rivals, like the Raiders, in the second tier.
Rd5 at Tigers (Leichhardt, Sydney), Sunday 1.45pm: A trap game if coming in 0-4 but a possible get right game if results have been mixed and morale isn’t in the toilet. Simply too far out to reliably predict but the Broncos have more than enough talent for the Wests Tigers.
Notes
For the record on Selwyn Cobbo:
State of Origin star Selwyn Cobbo has been questioned in relation to an alleged domestic disturbance, 9News understands.
Police were called to Moorooka in Brisbane's south yesterday.
The 22-year-old has spoken to police but they stress he has not been arrested.
Others have claimed an investigation into domestic violence but without naming the player, which suggests you can skirt rules against legally prejudicing potential jurors if you don’t name the accussed in connection with DV, merely a “disturbance”. Alternatively, you can imply DV against a person without naming them because everyone knows who you’re talking about. It is not just pointless but counter-productive to speculate further, so we’ll just have to see what happens. Cobbo is not named this week.
Hamilton resident Fletcher Baker was due to return in round 22 but has not been named in the 22. Karapani, Rogers and Sailor are in the reserves with Tyson Smoothy, who has lost his spot to Blake Mozer.
After throwing hands in the first game, Annetta Nu’uausala is going sit for four matches, having been tried in absentia by the criminals at the NRL judiciary. I’m told it is not great to lose your starting prop for half the season.
If you google ‘Lavinia Gould suspension’, it brings up her doping suspension from 2013 but she also copped a one gamer.
Destiny Brill is named for round 2. Ciesiolka and Broughton are still listed as ‘TBC’.
Maybe the Broncos are interested in Corey Horsburgh? I don’t like him but beggars can’t be too choosy and it’s clear Jack Gosiewski (or Cory Paix for that matter) doesn’t offer a whole lot but is somehow signed through next year.
Rewind
I just pulled this at random from a Youtube playlist I have of old rugby league content, not out of any particular sense of nostalgia for this game or this era, although the players on the field hit all the right buttons for me as the “new” (i.e. post-90s) Broncos.
Would you believe it was a real backs-to-the-wall performance from a gritty and determined Broncos team? Shane Webcke was the only guy left on the bench with ten to go and they hung to win. It’s not just a myth, it really happened! This used to be a football club.
Watch for a very young Paul Gallen try to start something with Andrew Gee late in the game. It was the second first grade loss in what would be a prodigious career of losing for the then-young Shark, now old media bloviator.
Also Bill Harrigan chastising the players with, “That’s not a scrum, that’s six blokes having a pow wow.” That’s a lot less bigoted than I would have assumed was par for the course in 2002.