Please don’t put in the newsletter that I got mad
Tamika Upton binned, upcoming slate, Ken Maumalo, Tesi Niu, the IRL stinks, more from The Olympic City and Duncan Thompson
"I'm not angry but I am a little disappointed"
Alright you clowns, shut up about Ilias and Latrell for just one goddamn second because here’s a fight.
A scrap in a statewide game wouldn’t normally be noteworthy but this one is because a) the participants are female, which is not that common, and b) the names involved.
To wit, here’s the 2023 Dally M winner, Tamika Upton, being binned for running into the melee.
I appreciate Shaylee Bent sarcastically clapping her off. The game needs more of this.
The instigation (1h25m35s into the Qplus stream if you need it in HD, you freak) seems to be Wynnum’s Sienna Lofipo’s knee landing on the chest of Central’s Hannah Southwell and the latter takes her frustrations out on the adjacent Seagull, Brianna Clark. There’s not a lot audible on the ref’s mics to work out what exactly happened - there was some mention of a headlock? - but it sounded like the partisan Rockhampton crowd was going off. What a way to send off the old Browne Park.
After the binning, the ref pulled the Caps’ Gemma Brennan and the Gulls’ Shaylee Bent aside and led with - I shit you not - “I'm not angry but I am a little disappointed.” Great dad stuff. I cackled like a maniac.
Further context may be required. The Capras have recruited Tamika Upton, Jesse and Hannah Southwell from the back-to-back NRLW champions, the Newcastle Knights. Central Queensland have had back-to-back slow ass starts and were unable to run down the Western Clydesdales or the Wynnum Manly Seagulls. The Capras are currently eighth of ten with no wins.
Between this and Southwell’s dissent penalty last week, this is very, very funny. These rep players thought they could swan in and own the comp. Instead, they’re getting absolutely punked. In state cup! They’re Origin players! Worse, they’re showing everyone they got mad. Half the team thinks this is extremely embarrassing if their body language is anything to go by. Then again, anyone who plays for the Newcastle Knights palpably thrums with an eldritch loser energy. Even when they’re really good (double premiership winners!), it follows them around like a bad smell (can’t hack losing to Wynnum).
Now, you can tell no one watches BMD games because I feel like this should be close to national rugby league news. Actual household name players in what we would have called a “scrag fight” in the early 2000s? Of course, we do not use language like that anymore because it is 2024 and we’re all definitely acting like adults about this, but also how has the Daily Mail not run with this? Don’t bother giving me a write-up that doesn’t even mention how mad the Capras got.
There are a few writers subscribed to this newsletter. There’s something in a headline like “Knights trio lose heads, fight, game” and the rest writes itself. Include a frame by frame breakdown. It’s called journalism - try it.
And if this, the actual football product and the competitive balance of the league doesn’t convince you to get a QPlus sub and start following the BMD, I really don’t know what will. Maybe you just don’t get rugby league?
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Upcoming Slate
I know I spent a lot of 2023’s newsletters complaining about it but I think I’ve got the hang of the QRL scheduling both statewide comps for Saturday afternoon and evening with a handful of games on Sunday afternoon. I’d be interested to know how the clubs feel about it. I assume we’re working towards a QRL Red Zone product. Or it could be that the lack of a rewind button on live streaming is now the biggest crisis facing the game.
Strangely, there’s no Queensland NRL this weekend. The NRL has decided to hand wins to Penrith and North Queensland, respectively, and save everyone some time. Titans-Bulldogs has been called off because making anyone watch that is going to result in people being sent to The Hague. It’s rivalry round in both HPC and BMD, so that’s where we’ll be paying attention.
QRLW - Tweed vs Bears in Tweed, Saturday 4.00pm
Olivia Kernick and Tarryn Aiken both had absolute blinders against Souths Logan, who, to be fair, I don’t think completed a set. Nonetheless, I’m unreasonably pumped to see what they can dish up in the Gold Coast derby. Based on the one half of their game against the Clydesdales that was available, the Bears already look incredible. Should be interesting, if not great. Tip: Bears
QRLW - Cutters vs Capras in Mackay, Saturday 4.15pm
You better believe I’m going to watch every second of this and come back with a complete analysis of how Emma Manzelmann caused one of the Novocastrian heads to explode and go on a spree of kicking puppies. Is this good for the game? I don’t care. No one’s watching, so they can’t be bad role models. Tune in for a truly horrific jersey clash. Here’s last year’s match. You tell me who’s about to score.
Tip: Cutters
QCup - Hunters vs Falcons in Port Moresby, Saturday 3pm
So it turns out men also play football. Who knew? It’s a bit of a weird slate this weekend, with no real standout games but this one rates highly because of the PNG comms who get way too excited because they’re actually watching the game they’re talking about. We’re also treated to a rematch of the 2017 grand final and will get an idea of whether the Falcons, who played Grant Anderson at fullback last week and got belted by the Cutters, are as bad as that result would suggest. Tip: Hunters
(Tips 6 of 8)
Watch Guide
Weather - Looks like a cool and damp weekend in the south with a warmer, sunnier weekend in the north, until you get to Port Moresby where its hot and wet.
Brisbane: Saturday 20 - 26 light rain, Sunday 20 - 24 light rain; Port Moresby: 25 - 32 rain; Tweed Heads: 20 - 26 light rain; Toowoomba: 17 - 19 cloudy; Mackay: 24 - 28 mostly cloudy; Townsville: 24 - 29 mostly cloudy; Pootown: Thursday 17 - 22 cloudy, Saturday 17 - 23 partly cloudy
Intermission
The Jets played in white and green against the light blue this week and they look not too bad at a cursory glance.
And here's Tesi Niu actually doing something good. Along with minimising the number of defenders around him, I think the key is to limit the amount of time he actually has to hold the ball.
Weirdly, these tries happened almost simultaneously in real time.
This stinks
From our dear friends at the IRL:
A meeting of full members on March 14 agreed on significant changes to the classification of nations whose governing bodies have been non-compliant with the terms of the IRL membership policy for up to five years...
Lebanon’s place at the 2026 World Cup is not affected by the decision as the Cedars had already qualified after reaching the quarter-final stage of RLWC2021, which was staged in England in 2022.
However, Ireland, Italy and Scotland are ineligible to participate in qualifiers for the IRL Men’s Rugby League World Cup 2026, which will be staged in the Southern Hemisphere.
According to their website, there are now just 13 full members of the IRL: Australia, NZ, England, Wales, France, Fiji, PNG, Samoa, Cook Islands, Serbia, Ukraine, Jamaica and South Africa. Tonga is not listed on the website as a member. Remember when rugby league was going to get into the Olympics? You need like 75 members for that.
So there’s your explanation as to why the men’s World Cup was cut from 16 teams. Not only is that cheaper, fitting in with the Vlandian worldview that seems to have wormed its way into IRL decision making, but there aren’t even 16 full members that could conceivably qualify for the tournament.
It is incredibly disappointing on a personal level that Ireland have been excluded but Lebanon’s continued inclusion in the next tournament, despite no longer meeting full membership requirements and not having done so for five years, is a damning indictment on the process. A real sport would have a qualifying process all entrants (bar the hosts) would need to work through, including meeting basic membership criteria, for its premier international tournament. In a process that reflects international rugby league’s pissantedness, this sport auto-qualifies the last World Cup’s eight quarter-finalists, which includes Lebanon and Tonga, to avoid having to actually play the sport, which would be costly and inconvenient. The IRL decided on auto-qualification before enforcing member standards, so apparently Lebanon gets the benefit of participating in the next tournament because who else can replace them? Any of the remaining options are going to lose every game by at least 40 points, which, according to the IRL, is undesirable as playing more high level internationals does nothing for those nations’ development. On the other hand, filling three spots from seven nations will take less matches than if two spots are available.
When you consider the next World Cup is a little over two years away, has already had two failed hosting bids in the US and France and still no real confirmed hosts other than “southern hemisphere”, was slashed from 16 to 10 entrants in an effort to make the competition more “elite” but really there weren’t 16 nations that could qualify and this is much cheaper anyway, will not have its broadcast value in any way diminished by denying Ireland or Italy, and the remaining two spaces will be almost certainly be filled by France (didn’t want to provide funding to host this tournament) and Cook Islands (pop. 17k), it’s little surprise the RLWC is not considered a must-have, or even a desirable, sporting property by governments and broadcasters around the world. No wonder the IRL is broke.
The trophy has been tarnished by decades of administrative incompetence and neglect and this is just one more mark on already dented silverware.
The Olympic City
Miles rejects Victoria Park stadium plan, dusts off Commonwealth Games venue instead.
I’d rather see the Olympics go back to Sydney than see QSAC rebuilt for $1.6 billion. The cost to keep the Gabba going and provide 14k permanent seats at QSAC is $800 million less than the brand new 50k Vic Park stadium. While I don’t love the latter’s location, that’s an obviously better outcome. Presuming the Gabba and QSAC refurb prices haven’t been inflated to make a point, it’s worth remembering that construction industry inflation is way worse than CPI, not least because the state government is pumping $10 billion into building hospitals (don’t worry about staffing them), so every month’s delay in decision-making increases the cost of the finished product. Building later almost always costs more than building now.
The Courier Mail called the decision “cowardly” in not one but two op-eds (and somehow the LNP came worse off). The Brisbane Times tried a line of “oh you think you’re too good for QSAC, do you? It was good enough for the bloody Queen!”, which is a weird tack.
Reminder: state election in October.
One of the recommendations in the report, of which 27 of the 30 have been accepted, was to provide a pedestrian link to Suncorp. I assume this is the upgrade Suncorp will get for the games and it is not going to be extra seating (note to commenters: actually read the damn articles). Suncorp was almost always going to host the opening and closing ceremonies and as anyone who has walked from Roma St station to the stadium knows, crossing the street is a pain for traffic and pedestrians alike.
Notes
C/O of the LU forums: A paper on Fiji’s bid to be considered the 18th franchise club to play in Australia’s NRL (National Rugby League) competition in 2025 is to be considered by Government. Fiji is much better option than PNG - it’s more stable and generally more prosperous - but still has a lot of the same limitations, as well as stiffer competition from union and a much smaller population.
Aussie rock legends to perform at Titans v Dolphins (get set everybody, it’s Taxiride)
You're allowed to not read this one because I certainly didn't. Paul Kent complaining about woke politics infecting rugby league is exactly what happens when you let a massive loser have a media platform for reasons that remain completely opaque to anyone who isn’t actively being bludgeoned in the head. Newscorp not only run his column but splice his appearances on Fox into multiple short videos for additional content, as if that’s what will get the kids in the door. No one wants this.
Rewind
I have no way of knowing how many people make it this far down the average weekly edition of The Maroon Observer but if you like Rewind, then buy this book.
We talked a little bit about Duncan Thompson and Toowoomba footy last year. The short version is that Thompson was a prodigious sporting talent from the Darling Downs, got a bullet in his lung during World War I, recovered and moved to Sydney to make his name in footy and helped Norths win their only two premierships, before leaving after being accused of kicking a player on the ground. He returned to Toowoomba and instigated the Galloping Clydesdales historic unbeaten run through 1924 and 1925. Thompson later entered the coaching ranks and resurrected Toowoomba as a power in the Bulimba Cup through the 50s. He died in 1980, presumably still blaming the French for introducing limited tackles (I didn’t make this up).
Thompson’s book is one-third coaching philosophy, one-third autobiography and one-third Remembering Some Guys from the 20s through the 70s. If that sounds tiresome, I assure you it is not. I sat on my previous book for four months and cleared this one in a day. Thompson has an excellent and plain writing style, evidence that he had mastery of communication that made him such a standout in the playing and coaching ranks.
The coaching manual provides a fascinating insight to what has and hasn’t changed in rugby league in the half century since it was written (I now find myself repeating “one yard is one-eighth of a second” and “that's not Contract” to myself while watching games) and if you need a brush up on the basics of offence (defence is merely tackling and not for halfbacks), then this is as good a place as any given the absolute paucity of sources that will clearly explain the actual mechanics of the sport to you.
The book had never been published because the family were worried Thompson’s frank assessments of players (e.g. Thompson thought Provan was lazy) would offend some still around in the 70s. Now they’re almost all dead, so you can buy this excellent rugby league artefact and, in lieu of the ARLC doing its job and providing funding, financially support the Western Clydesdales and the Toowoomba Rugby League.
Again, buy the book and read it.
Nickelware
Nickelware, not as nice or important as silverware, but still worth tracking to keep tabs on the strengths of Queensland rugby league clubs.
If you wanted a breakdown of how each statewide club’s men’s, women’s or age grade programs are doing relative to each other, in lieu of one big total, we now have the pyramid matrix.
If you want to draw a long bow from current HNU17s to the future performance of a Dolphins NRLW team, I’ve also included rankings by affiliate group. Understand that the affiliations only strictly apply between NRLM and QCup (i.e. outside of Norths/Dolphins, NRLW players are free to go wherever they want), so this is for novelty purposes only.
