The Hall of Fame of the Storm Do Something Weird to the Broncos
North East Coast offence, Capras win, Broncos lose, Queensland of Origin and Eurovision
North East Coast offence
In American football, there's a school of thought called the West Coast offense. This philosophical scheme places an emphasis on passing over running, back when that wasn't the norm, with a lot of short ,sharp passes to stretch the defence, creating space for subsequent longer, more explosive plays.
Perhaps there is a rugby league equivalent. The current iteration of the Broncos play with an extremely distinctive style with ball in hand, an approach that comprises equal measures of lightning acceleration and swashbuckling bravado with just a dash of Contract. I've suggested a couple of times that lobbing nukes might be a new way to play rugby league, setting up a counterpoint to the Panthers’ football asphyxiation that can be summarised as volumetric, patient, effective and uninspiring.
At the risk of bashing everything into a Broncos shape, I’m seeing traces of it elsewhere. The Titans showed signs in 2023. The left side attack, utilising the spacetime-warping mass that is David Fifita to create defensive uncertainty, and so providing space for Khan-Pereira to run around the outside in the mid-to-late tackle count. Gold Coast scored about 20 tries using some variation of this in 2023 and when they don't do that, you get the 2024 Titans. Related, Khan-Pereira played for the Jets on last weekend, and is named as #22 for this weekwhich seems like a misallocation of resources.
Todd Payten may have given up trying to coach defence. Conceding an above average score to the least effective attacking team in the competition does not bode well and is firmly Not What You Want. Still, you can't lose if you score more than the other guys. This won't win premierships, unless the game really does change, but it's fun to watch the lesser teams be systematically dismantled by Drinkwater’s footwork, Holmes’ near-breaks and Dearden’s scheming. I had prepared to note the Dolphins as an exception but of course, even if Bennett prefers a simple and effective plan of attack with ball in hand, sometimes the guys on the field have a say too. Witness the efforts of Hamiso Tabuai-Fidow when he is on one.
Whether this is philosophical seems unlikely. The idea of Bennett, Walters, Payten and Holbrook/Leningan (Hasler is firmly not of this school) all consciously colluding to arrive at this point is patently ludicrous. The emergence of this phenomenon, if that's what you want to label it (“vibe” might be more appropriate), is more likely to just be a product of the athletes these teams happen to have available at this point in time. There's variation in the level of commitment, ranging from a slavish devotion at Red Hill to deploy it at every opportunity against any opponent (which is another way of saying that Kev lets the boys play their natural game) to the Titans’ ideological antipathy despite their hypothetical capacity.
The flashier parts of the North East Coast offence relies primarily but not exclusively on triumvirates of cleverness, elusiveness and raw speed: Walsh, Mam and perhaps now Sailor; Tabuai-Fidow, Marshall-King and I guess Kaufusi (that spot probably belongs to Katoa, or maybe Nikorima); Drinkwater, Holmes and Dearden; and, were they allowed to play freely, Fifita, Khan-Pereira and Campbell.
The less flashy parts, the hard work done in the middle of the field to compress the defensive line into specific places to create space elsewhere, that’s done by lots of players, none of whom will get much credit, because obviously the best players score the most tries. If that all sounds familiar, it’s because there’s only so many ways to reinvent the rugby league wheel.
I can’t say I see a lot of precisely this vibe elsewhere but I’m also not watching every game of NRL anymore. My impressions are that Melbourne prefer to get to the 20 before even considering moving out of the tram tracks and lead the league in dummy half runs, that Penrith might break a line if they’re feeling frisky and the opposition play like they were beaten before they stepped on the field and Cronulla might be the closest relatives, but even that seems more structural and geometric than stretch, pull and explode.
It might be a figment of my imagination but its something to test when we get a few more games to review in Stats Drop.
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The Game: Capras vs Bears (QRLW)
I did not choose this game just for the bit, as I do want a look at both Gold Coast teams and Burleigh had a more enticing match up than Tweed vs Falcons. Unfortunately, the weather was a challenge for all concerned, although somehow the women’s broadcast looked way better than the low broadcast angle of the men’s feature game.
Observations
The weather and the cow paddock made this a difficult evaluation but if there’s a couple of things that have struck me about Burleigh, it’s how much they look like a team. It’s not moments of individual brilliance like most of the rest of the comp. Each try is well constructed and as long as the other teams don’t find out about Ash Werner, the defence is well organised.
This was a tough game. The first half took 47 minutes to complete the 35 minutes of game time with plenty of injury stoppages. We don’t get good injury information for this competition, sitting at the intersection of state and women’s football, so it remains to be seen if this will have a medium term impact on both clubs.
The bit behind Capras Watch is not that the Southwells or Upton have been playing badly but that they are top tier players not winning in a second tier competition. If there’s a criticism to be levelled, it was that they weren’t putting their whole asses into it. All three puleed heir fingers out and the results speak for themselves. Now that they’ve won, we might have to retire the bit.
I think the forward pack had the opportunity to win this one but the Bears shot themselves in the foot with errors. While each one was innocuous, they were collectively much worse than anything Central did to themselves. Lenarduzzi might have considered starting a fight to get things back to level pegging.
The Capras get penalised at least once a game for being offside on fifth tackle kicks. At some point, Paki will not stand so deep.
It was wet. How wet?
Highlights
Tamika Upton set up two tries for herself.
Next week: Tigers vs Tweed
The drought was broken but it's not over
The beauty - if you want to call it that - of watching the Broncos lose so many games against the Storm is that no two are alike. Like snowflakes, each punch in the face from Melbourne is perfect and unique. Sometimes, the Broncos are outclassed. Sometimes, they do not have the patience that the Storm seem to be endowed with to play the full 80. Sometimes, they are run down in the last ten or fifteen minutes. Sometimes, the Broncos get atomised by 40-plus on your birthday, which would sound sad if I was a child and not in my late 30s.
Not even our second stringers can beat their second stringers in a QCup All-Stars game. There’s even a lone anti-loss in the last eight years, that’s how comprehensively the Storm have beaten the Broncos. The full spectrum is there. You don’t really want to find yourself sitting there at full-time thinking how much you hate the Broncos losing that way, because the Storm will always find a new way. None of them are fun. They all suck.
Of course, Cam Munster came back fine from his mystery injury in time to play the Broncos, seemingly fine, despite no one knowing what was wrong with him. Sure, the Storm looked more conventionally like winners, with the Broncos points attached to what suspiciously looked like a barrage of Minuteman III missiles. Even then, I allowed myself the briefest reprieve, about 65 minutes into the game, to note that the refs hadn’t done something spectacularly weird, usually a sign that the Broncos had gotten a soft whistle (something that Storm Machine more or less confirmed).
Then Tyran Wishart scored a try that no one other than him, the Bunker and the Lord saw him ground, which was disappointing, but was as unsurprising as it was fitting with all of the above. The kicker, literally, was Coates lashing out with his leg to set up Hughes for a try to finish the game. Of course.
That Hughes try is a first ballot entrant into The Hall of Fame of the Storm Do Something Weird to the Broncos. The Wally Lewis-level Immortal is Billy Slater's drop kick try from 2018, a time long enough ago that the haircuts and jerseys look weird and outmoded, and while I clearly remember the try, I'd blanked that it was against the Broncos because of course it was.
Of course.
Queensland of Origin
Part of the fun of being a sports nerd is pitching bullshit ideas that will never happen but make for a fun discussion. There was a brief discourse on City-Country because Isaah Yeo said there was no bigger thing to aspire to than playing for NSW Country, which sure. At least, I imagine it was brief - it’s hard to gauge these things without a public-facing social media account - because plainly very few non-sickos in NSW seem to miss the fixture.
A tangent was considered:
And there went the next 90 minutes.
Before you get too excited, here’s the methodology so you don’t need to email me about excluding Ponga or forgetting such and such’s eligibility. Putting more effort in would have made this less fun, so I don’t care. Then again, I nearly left off Mam for Keary, so maybe I deserve some hate mail.
The selection areas are based on the current QRL regions, which is basically Mackay district and up is North; Brisbane, Gold Coast and Ipswich is South-east; everything else is Central. The lineups are based on where players were born, which I was able to divine by punching the names of random towns in to Rugby League Project and then checking those town’s clubs against Play Rugby League’s current divisions.
Therefore we are not working off Origin rules for this exercise, although the italicised names are Queensland eligible, not necessarily born in their division but I either knew enough of their background or was able to find it out easily enough to slot them in (e.g. Slater was born in Nambour but is from Innisfail, which is why these things get tricky and are prone to errors). One exception for Dearden, who I think might be North and South-east eligible but I assume would prefer to rep the tropics. Perhaps this is the kind of thing you just declare once you hit U16s and save everyone some time.
Some loose addenda:
If I have one criticism, it’s that there’s too many Dudes and not enough Guys. That’s partly because the Dudes are easier to establish eligibility. There is a good layer of Guys underneath though, so I would expect that the likes of Rockhampton’s own Lachlan Hubner might get a call up for Central when Charleville-born Kurt Capewell is injured or otherwise decides not to fly over from NZ for the fixture.
Alternatively, rather than the Residents game, where too many NSW players were pulling on the maroon, have a two week series (last year’s winner plays the winner of the other two for the title) of Cup guys, either selected on residential basis (Falcs, Caps and Dales combining for Central; Cuts, Hawks and Prid [sic] for North) or the usual Origin rules. This could fit in between actual Origin for the pros and the State League Championship for the community game. More rep games! No need to engage with the RLPA over playing time and remuneration! Win-win!
We’ll have to discuss names. Poinsettias aren’t native, sound wussy and don’t have an i in the right places. As good as the Capras name is, that’s something else now. The Marlins are cool as hell though. How about the Bull Sharks and the Barramundi? There’s a sponsorship opportunity there one suspects.
Broadly, seems like you want your forwards from the sub-tropics, your backs from the tropics and your playmakers from the bit in between, which is not what I would have expected. The Bullos probably start as favourites but there’s enough pluck in the ‘Mundi and the Marlins to make for a compelling series.
If preferred, invite the Kumuls down (or pick a Queensland 2nds or a Murri or a NSW barbarians side) to make it a four team tournament. We’ll call it the Four* Nations**.
It’s hard to imagine a properly marketed (i.e. invoking Origin in some fashion) game of North Queensland versus [any other part of the state] in rugby league not yielding a sold out Barlow Park, if not a sold out QCB. Bob Katter might just buy all the tickets himself and bus in Mount Isa for an afternoon in the medium smoke. Likewise for the Kumuls vs [some part of Queensland] in Port Moresby. Get Albo on the phone and tell him to get down to the post office for a money order.
Replace the Dally Ms with Ooroveeszjun
People Nerds are angry about the Dally M voting. Since the NRL doubled down on the current system by going to two judges, the voting is as inexplicable as ever. This is because the fundamental problem is not the system. The Dally Ms cannot be fixed with different voting methods and it cannot be fixed with stats. The voting pool of the brain dead, unaccountable and disinterested is the problem.
This week’s newsletter seems to be just me putting kind of silly ideas out there (I’ll bring back Rewind for a different kind of deranged take next week), so here’s my pitch: embrace democracy and do a Eurovision. To vote, you have to be a member of a NRL club. Twice a year, once before Origin and once before finals, club members get an email to cast three votes for the best NRL players not from their club. The most popular player from each club’s membership gets ten points, down to one for the tenth most popular player. Maybe consider weighting for membership sizes, although that would not be very Eurovision and would undermine the potential for nefarious collusions between like-minded states/clubs, which is half the fun. Deduct points based on disciplinary record.
On the awards night, find yourself 17 attractive Europeans with varying accents - your local youth hostel should be able to provide, or failing that, any large fruit or vegetable farm in picking season - hose them off, give them a new set of clothes and stick them in front of a green screen with a chromakeyed backdrop of the Story Bridge or the view along the beaches on the Strip or the Sugar Shaker. “Buna, Oorop! Chello Sydaney. Zis ist Radclëffe kallink. Chere aᴙe ze wotes.” [pause for “satellite delay” and cheering and red and white flag waving at the Dolphins leagues club in the inset]
Cheap television spectacle: there are no three words more thrilling to the heart of Peter V’Landys. As a bonus, the result can’t be ruined by an alcoholic who should never have been privy to the result in the first place. The outcome will be harder to fix for gambling because now you need to bribe 400,000 club members. People would be more incentivised to get a membership. How many Dolphins “members” would vote for Reece Walsh?
If the league thinks people get a sick thrill out of seeing the Dally M votes on a Monday, it can retain that. Just run the People’s Choice side-by-side and see which award garners the most prestige based on which voting pool makes the less stupid decisions. If it’s much of a muchness, well there you go.
Upcoming Slate
NRLM - Broncos vs Dolphins at Suncorp, Friday 8pm
Following the Vendetta on Vulture, whether this qualifies as Conflict on Caxton II or III would consume pages of discourse if a) anyone read this newsletter and b) anyone still discoursed in text instead of posting short form video. For this year’s first Classica Civoniceva, both sides are struggling with overflowing injury wards and both sides would like a win, the Dolphins to get a toehold in the Brisbane derby and the Broncos after a bad start to the season. The Broncos have the stronger remaining roster, including some first choice forwards, so it should be them but the Dolphins will be highly motivated. Tip: Broncos (but it will be closer than anyone expects)
QRLW - Wynnum vs Bears at Kougari, Sunday 12.05pm
I had this pegged as a grand final preview in the pre-season. Wynnum have snuck home in every victory, including a last minute match winner against the Devils last week, to sit second, 3-1 with just a +8 points difference (that loss coming by only two points as well). The Bears started strong but got upset in the women’s Border War and came unstuck against Tamika Upton in Rockhampton, respectively, over the last two outings. Burleigh really needs this win to keep a top four prospect alive. Tip: Wynnum (but it will be far closer than it needs to be)
QRLM - Jets vs Bears at North Ipswich, Sunday 3pm
I wouldn’t normally recommend consuming any Jets-based content, irrespective of the sport, however, in the limited game time of them that I have watched this year, the Planes have at least looked frisky. With the Titans reinforcements, this is the least toxic to watch that Ipswich have been since covid, possibly even 2015, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see them on the fringes of the eight by August. Speaking of eighth, the Bears are 2-2 and while the bluebloods’ two losses came in round 1 and last week in a bath of a rugby field, that’s a slower start than we’ve come to expect. There’s added spice as the former Titans affiliate goes head to head with the new Titans affiliate, with most of the former Burleigh guys now allocated to Ipswich. Tip: Bears
(Tips 9 / 16)
Watch Guide
Weather - A rare dub for the weather in the ACT over the Sunshine State this week. It’s pretty much the only thing that game has going for it.
Brisbane: Friday 17 - 25 clear, Saturday 17 - 25 clear, Sunday 18 - 24 clear; Sunshine Coast: 19 - 24 partly cloudy; Toowoomba: 14 - 24 partly cloudy; Townsville: 22 - 29 partly cloudy; Pootown: 16 - 22 partly cloudy; Canberra: 7 - 22 clear.
Notes
The CM can do interesting stuff when they put the least effort in: Tanya Yow Yeh has rekindled memories of her father Kevin, who played for Balmain and Dolphins
Good stats c/o Eye Test: Who is the straightest ball runner in the NRL?
The chess match playing out at scrum starts. Short but incisive observation here from Jason at RL Writers. If we get a wide shot (and I’m actually paying close attention) or at the game, I try to count the numbers of defenders either side of the scrum to see if there’s a mismatch. An easy thing to do that makes you look smart if you want to show off. If we’re going to keep changing the rules, it should be to allow more interesting set piece situations. Is it too late to revive the lineout? As for poor packing of the scrum, I’d suggest the refs get a giant billiards triangle and just make six players of each side stand inside it. You can achieve the same effect by having the players stand there, unable to move the ruck clears.
Mackay Cutters signing Kenny Edwards still ‘unavailable’, but no answer as to why (he’s either injured or dead imo)
Injuries: In things I learned this week, Qscan sponsors injury updates for both the Broncos and Dolphins. In summary, Mariner (back) 3-4 weeks; Reynolds (hamstring) should be ok soon; Farnworth (AC joint) 4 weeks but no surgery; Kaufusi (hamstring) probably misses a week; Flegler (shoulder) should be ok. In a non-Qscan sponsored update, Mini Laybutt has done his ACL.
The Titans are going to sign Aidan Sezer for 2025 aren't they? Maybe they should consider engineering an early release for Luai and profiting from there.
I spent a non-trivial amount of time thinking about rivalry names for the QCup while watching Cutters-Blackhawks. I landed on the Savanna Soiree, which we will have to accept Wikipedia’s word is climatically appropriate (you could opt for the more butch Showdown on the Savanna). The other two legs of the Tropical Tri-series are then the Long Derby (Cairns-Mackay) and Monsoon Mayhem (Townsville-Cairns, perhaps the Rumble in the Jungle when played in Cairns). It’s clear we’re not going to top Flockbuster any time soon, although I am partial to the Friends of Coal Bowl, originally played between Marshall and West Virginia, and now appropriated for Capras-Cutters. Here’s some stats (note that I skipped any draws and that Cairns includes the Pride and Cyclones, Townsville includes the Stingers and Blackhawks and Mackay includes the Sea Eagles and Cutters, hence “multi-club”):
Not only did Rockhampton’s Rugby Park, at the Titans’ affiliated The Rockhampton Grammar School (I assume this is like The Ohio State University), not hold up well hosting the Capras during torrential rain while Browne Park is redeveloped, the ref also turned up half an hour late to the men’s game. This changeover merited a replay of him sorting out his shorts on the feature game. Fortunately, I have run out of space to include a GIF of this. Still, looked like a pretty good turnout under the circumstances.
Not Queensland: something interesting finally happened in NSW Cup