Vanishing pillocks
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Vanish
On 30 August 2021, the Courier Mail ran with this quote from Peter V’Landys in a story in which he denied the Dolphins were front-runners for the next NRL licence:
“One of the things I was critical of with the Big Bash was that you didn’t know where the teams were from. You need to have a name that reflects the fact it’s a Queensland team.’’
Now, if you try to find that quote, you won’t. It’s been scrubbed from the internet.
A few months later, on 13 October, The Dolphins were confirmed as the NRL’s 17th team. Unless you were already familiar with rugby league, you wouldn’t be able to tell where The Dolphins are from by name alone. At some point between August and October, that quote disappeared because it makes Peter V’Landys look a little bit silly.
I noticed this happening from time-to-time. A key quote or fact would be removed from newspaper copy and I would be looking for that quote or fact later to land a dunk on Twitter for three likes and maybe a retweet. So for a few years, I took to copying and pasting clippings out of the newspapers so I would have them to refer back to, either for comedic or critical effect. Whether that was panedmic-induced psychosis or an intrepid, dare I say heroic, commitment to historical veracity, I will leave to you to judge.
It wasn’t particularly hard to work out the mechanism. Peter V’Landys wines and dines reporters and editors at newspapers in exchange for favourable coverage. Nobody has ever really attempted to even make this secret. Everyone knows the deal. That’s how we know Peter V’Landys is a big weenie about his food and his height.
Now it seems other people are putting two and two together. ABC’s Media Watch has put together a fun 12 minute package on the coverage of our man, Peter V’Landys, and his role in the sale of Rosehill, at Racing NSW and the journo junkets to Vegas paid for by the NRL. I recommend watching the whole thing, even if it has less of Media Watch’s prissy smarm than usual.
Whether V’Landys was personally intervening in coverage of himself and the sports he runs or if the editors simply knew the score, thanks to decades of being immersed in Sydney’s corrupting political sludge, and did what would be expected of them is mostly irrelevant. The statements provided from PVL, Nine, the Daily Tele, etc are all carefully worded to deny very specific allegations. They have no commercial obligations on editorial direction. No requests were made of our coverage and we would not honour them in any case. PVL is just building constructive relationships with stakeholders.
Which I believe. I do not believe anyone involved is quite stupid enough to put “the NRL requires positive coverage” in writing in the broadcast deal. But I am also an adult who has experience in dealing with other adults and I know that influence has many shades and is usually not particularly direct.
For example, sometimes, you can get people to do what you want by being really annoying and people just do what you want to get you to shut up. In reporting this blatant interference on the editorial process on NRL panel shows, Ninefax and Weidler refer to it as a “smart move”, without naming any of the people doing the interfering, and then tells the NRL to mind its own business. This confusion arises from this being a criticism-flavoured content-like product, the kind of slop to help a paranoid loser deflect criticism about his influence.
Ultimately, the impact is the same whether PVL is as insecure as he comes across in every medium or if world class dumbasses like Bevan Shields are as spineless as the average nematode.
That impact is that you are treated like an idiot, in order to part you from your money.
I, personally, can’t say I care for that.
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In case you missed it
The Bovine Bulletin consists of two parts: 1) the free essay at the start, which this month did not commit to whether the Cowboys were good or not, and 2) the paywalled content behind, which this month was a comparison of Clifford’s and Purdue’s production, match review/previews and a rewind to 1998.
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Thank you to all my subscribers, you’re keeping this thing going.
I agree with Phil Gould
It turns out that to be one of the all-time great administrators of this sport, you need the following:
Buy out some journalists and their editors with fancy lunches and marquee passes at the races
Bribe the clubs to just shut the fuck up for once with an extra mil or two of broadcast money
Do whatever the broadcasters tell you to do, but do it decisively
That this is the lowest conceivable bar for success I think says more about the predecessors than Abdo’s and V’Landys’ skills at administrators. If they had a modicum of planning and transparency with the fans, I’d probably restrict my critique to their personal appearance, mannerisms, etc instead of talking about Phil Gould’s prolapsed brain farts and the like.
Conversely, if Greenberg had a fraction of the action-man-do-it-all attitude of V’Landys, we would’ve got the Dolphins a decade earlier and Perth would be entering their eighth season in the NRL. Let’s not even get into the failures of the English game.
(This is the point where we acknowledge that had I been in these positions, I wouldn’t have done those things and very likely would have failed spectacularly. This is why I write the newsletters.)
Speaking of the big guy, it finally happened: I agree with Phil Gould.
"The comment from the ARLC Commission was that's not really our charter, it's to run a competition in Australia. Well, you need to change your charter because it's not going to happen worldwide unless the NRL does it. And to their credit I think they've really tried to go down that line.
"The future of the UK Super League is important to Australia is because we need international competition. We need Great Britain and England to be strong.
"The future of broadcast rights and the value of the UK Super League would rely heavily on a successful London franchise, and it [London] never really is... It would be a rebuild of the UK Super League. I'm not big on the administration [the RFL] or the management or how things work over there.
"What our game needs, on the whole, on a global scale, is a rolling eight-year calendar of international and domestic events. And it needs one body governing for all that and controlling all of that.
"We need to govern our investment in the Pacific Islands. We need to govern our investment in the Pacific and in New Zealand, whether we end up with a new franchise across there, two NRL teams over there…
"I don't think we can get any more support for our game domestically than we currently have. I think it's important that we do succeed and get a franchise in Perth, for sure. And I'm hoping that's resurrected…
"The focus for the growth of our game, and the value of our game, and the growth of the broadcast potential in our game comes in the international field. In 30, 40 years down the track what does our game look like? Where is it played? Who is it played by? …
"What is the future of media rights? How does the game maximise its revenue and where is it going to be played? I think there's great opportunity.
"I think we're on the doorstep of greatness if we're proactive and aggressive in how we expand our sport. It all comes with investment in development. It all comes with investment in developing countries and I think the great advance in our game will come from the international stage, not the domestic stage.
As anyone who has been on a podcast knows, sometimes you just say stuff because otherwise its not a podcast, its silence. Most of the time what comes out resembles your actual beliefs but you might stumble the details. What I’m saying is let’s not pop the champagne corks that the culture war has been won, even if it came about by a series of double-agents and/or total accident, but that’s a lot of bolded points that the kind of people who read this newsletter will want to see the sport take up.
To be fair to V’Landys and co - and appreciate that I am conflating Gould’s brain farts with ARLC policy because of all the available evidence to date suggests that's an accurate perspective - in the immediate aftermath of covid, they said they needed to focus on stabilising the game and the growth would follow. I guess this is what that looks like, even if it was wrapped up in the most tedious self-mythologising peddled by gullible rubes and eaten up by lots of people who had disengaged their critical faculties. There was nothing, at the time, to suggest that wasn’t just garbage but it seems, in retrospect, that it might turn out to be true.
So when Phil Gould, and yours truly, propose that the NRL just takeover the entire professional tier of the sport, that seems like it’s happening in some fashion (although the speed, scope and costs remain totally unclear) and seems like, probably, a good thing. I don’t like Phil Gould’s “vertical integration” policy but I do agree with his “the English are incompetents and will kill the sport” policy and those are tactics. We’re talking strategy.
Your average Widnes Vikings fan disagrees, which is fine although if there were more Widnes fans, they would be on the other side of the fence. If the only way you can get anything out of rugby league would be for a gulf state sovereign wealth fund to buy out the club and proceed to completely warp the economics of sport, then maybe you should stop watching footy. The ladder to the title isn’t there; it’s a mirage.
There are instructive lessons in the history of Brisbane rugby league. We all know the Sydney establishment did not give a shit about Brisbane’s heritage when the Broncos were admitted to the NSWRL. Having reflected on that for a better part of a decade, they were right to do so. The BRL clubs were broke with no possible financial viability at a higher level. It took the Broncos, and the Super League war, to get to this point and more of the same is needed to get where we want to be.
While it sucks for Castleford, Widnes, Leigh, Huddersfield, et al to be bound to the second tier permanently, as Norths, Wynnum Manly and Easts have shown, there’s a living to be made there, even if Valleys, Wests and Brothers indicated otherwise, and meaning to be had for fans and as developers of future talent.
As Redcliffe has shown, sometimes you have to invest and be patient and then you’ll get the opportunity. If you can’t do that, then you were right to be cast aside.
And yet, these guys are still pillocks
I haven't spent a lot of time on Perth or the Western Bears recently because the stakeholders are still doing their little kabuki show. The shadow play is, by design I guess, not particularly clear as to who wants what but after several years of trying to parse this stuff into some sense, I don't find it that interesting anymore. You get what you get and you don’t get upset.
It's not going to be a Queensland team and it is going to revive a Sydney franchise that should stay where it is. The former would sit outside this newsletter’s remit and the latter is distasteful on principle, even if the Bears are less objectionable than the Dragons, among others, to me.
The latest round of PERTH IS IN THE BIN seemed more final but still had the negotiatory overtones of haha jk…unless? that will never really go away. V'Landys getting his undies in a bunch about needing upgrades to this or that just smacks of him getting left out of the Olympics free-for-all (because he's a giant dumbass who can't delegate) and now trying to prove he's a big man who can Get Things Done, even though his track record on stadiums is there for everyone to see. Or not, as the case may be.
The Western Australian Premier was in attendance at the double header, so that could lead to another round of speculation if I was so inclined but I'm not. Nothing I have to say will matter, so let's just make a decision, publish it and move on with the consequences.
Around the grounds
Dolphins 30 defeated Panthers 12.
The Panthers are crap. The Dolphins are, at least, awake.
Dragons 38 defeated Titans 16. A classic Titans performance. As the score indicates, that is not a compliment. If the opposition refuses to buy the Titans chaos garbage, then they can just gently push them aside and jog on to victory. If it’s that easy every week, not seeing a lot of success in the Titans’ future (short, medium or long term). David Fifita should play five-eighth next week to unleash his running game.
Roosters 26 defeated Broncos 16. The problem with going 18-6, which the Broncos probably aren't, is that you lose a quarter of games to the rugby league equivalent of what you might scrape off the bottom of your shoe. Sandon Smith plays as well as he backs out of a driveway. This is the only Sandon Smith joke to be made because he has no other defining features. Peter Gough should be grateful he lost as few challenges as he did and that there will be no consequences for how he did his job. Why would referees be accountable when no one else is? This was a joint effort from the Broncos and NRL HQ to ensure Nick Politis doesn't die of an aneurysm by letting him “win”. More to come in the next Pony Picayune.
Cowboys 24 defeated Rabbitohs 16. Undefeated in Western Australia! The Cowboys are 3-3 and the entire comp looks like shit, so they could end up in the mix. It’s much harder to build a case for ‘definitely won’t’ than ‘maybe can’. Let’s just see if North Queensland can keep the, ugh, momentum going. Did you see Dearden link up with Purdue? 👀👀👀 More to come in the next Bovine Bulletin.
Wynnum 26 defeated Pride 24. The Pride had an 18-0 lead early on. In the NRL that's good for an approximately 90% winning probability but it's basically nothing in QCup. Surely they couldn't blow this one. The weather got worse and the Seagulls got better and it all just slipped through Northern’s hands. The Pride are now two wins adrift of the team that I thought would definitely get the spoon (Clydesdales) and that's not great. This game had a lot of potential for scouting with Cam Bukowski (can pass) and Ronald Philitoga (defeated Isaac Lumelume in the air, twice) on the Wynnum side and Dane Aukafolau (penalties), Marly Bitungane (good?) and Jamal Shibasaki (too easy to confuse with Aukafolau) on the other. The weather didn't do anyone any favours so judgement will be withheld.
Intermission
Isaac Lumelume didn't have the best game anyone's ever had. There's something about the hopeful appeal to the ref to rule that he caught a ball that he absolutely did not catch.
Programming note
Apologies but it seems the Datawrapper embeds for the Watch Guide and Nickelware weren’t updating correctly in the emails. They look fine in draft, so I hadn’t realised there was an issue until I was idly scrolling through the email and looked closely. It also works fine on the site itself, just not in the email.
I have tried to rectify this but I will have no way of knowing until this email has gone out. If it looks wrong, tap the embed to open it in a new window and that should open the latest version.
Upcoming Slate
Dolphins versus Storm, Friday 8pm, Suncorp
The Dolphins seem very intent that I attend this game in person, sending me multiple emails about it yesterday. I can’t say I understand their motivation to have me attend a 60 point flogging, led by Jahrome Hughes and Harry Grant with a bunch of former QCup All-stars that make up the Melbourne squad, but it seems very important to them that is how I spend my Good Friday. I shan’t be taking them up on their offer. Tip: Storm
Devils versus Dolphins, Saturday 4pm, Bishop Park
Part of round 1 has been rescheduled for Easter so we are treated to a rematch of the grand finals of 2022 and 2024 and a local derby. Hot damn. I am going to try to get to this, provided its not raining, although that will likely mean that at least one child is with me so that may mean I am not giving the game my full attention. The Devils are off to a great start to the year sans talisman Jack Ahearn, so I am keen to see what Jordan Lipp is bringing to five-eighth (he’s just one of those guys I’ve latched on to) and if Manase Kaho can repeat last year’s form. The Dolphins are playing Tom Opacic, former Bronco, Cowboy, Eels and Robin, in the second row - a real case of remembering some guys there - and a few NRL aligned Phins in the backline. Tip: Dolphins
Warriors versus Broncos, Saturday 5.30pm, Mt Smart
With the Cowboys on the bye, the Titans not safe to watch at the best of times and most of the Queensland Cup having the weekend off, I guess we’ll just have to watch the Brisbane Broncos. Both sides will be smarting from bad losses and thanks to the diaspora of Kiwis, this profiles as a quasi-rivalry. It’s not the same as the local derbies but more like Broncos-Storm, but less lopsided. No James Fisher-Harris is something of a miracle given the Broncos edge depth issues. Kurt Capewell revenge game, facing down Gehamat Shibasaki - there’s a story. Brisbane’s forwards should be able to control the game and the backs should be able to win it but we’ve seen that all fall in a heap twice now and the Warriors could likewise benefit if they play to their potential. Tip: Broncos
(Tips 7 / 18 in 2025; 48 / 92 in 2024)
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Read this
Rugby League Eye Test: Long range Storm tries, yet more Panthers defensive woes and Payne Haas edge runs
Rugby League Writers: The Tigers Attack Is Real, A Dolphins Tap Set & McInnes Moving The Ball
The Sportress: Six, again: Who is good?
Storm Machine: Game 719 – S28E06 Review
Also listen: John Davidson and Ross Heppenstall on the RFL coup and the NRL’s involvement in Super League. Murky even for people who are across as much of it as possible.
Notes
Easts Tigers got the Harvey Norman double, winning the U17s 32-4 over Sunshine Coast and the U19s 30-6 over Western. Keep an eye out for a rising Tigers women's programme over the next couple of years.
Burleigh picked up the Cyril Connell title, 18-12 over Mackay.
Extended women’s Origin squad announcement. Mostly familiar names, a few young surprises getting some experience.
By now you’ve read the Spencer Leniu versus Johnathan Thurston thing, made your jokes and formed your opinion. Spencer Leniu has the impulse and emotional control of a toddler and is going to be one of those players whose post-career life is going to be extremely bleak. Good luck to him. I hope he fails.
Dolphins allow themselves to be used as a campaigning prop by the LNP. Worth noting that the local member in Redcliffe is Luke Howarth but the adjacent electorate on the liminal space between Brisbane and Sunshine Coast, Petrie, is Peter Dutton’s. There’s at least one billboard up with both of their faces on it on South Pine Road heading towards the Peninsula. I am reminded of the greatest photo in Australian political history, rugby league sub-category:
Speaking of our glorious leaders, this dropped just before Christmas last year: Peter V’landys unveils plans for a short film festival in Sydney. Most of it is pretty anodyne but the story at the end of about the nosebleed that could have killed PVL is just blatant. I assume any anecdote he comes up with is total bullshit.
Broncos: Jack Gosiewski will miss at least 8 weeks after fracturing his arm at training this week. That doesn’t seem good.
Dolphins: Mason Teague, a man I must have watched play rugby league half a dozen times but could not pick out of a lineup, is now a Knight.
Brains via the bad rugby: Lowering the tackle height in men's rugby almost halved the rate of head collisions among players, a study at Edinburgh University has found.
Highly recommend PressReader and ProQuest for all your newspaper clippings needs. If the Queensland State Library is anything like their Victorian counterpart access is free and almost unfettered to both services.