You can sing Kodi Nikorima’s name to the tune of Smoke on the Water
Late Origin thoughts, no NRL thoughts, more expansion chat, Judah Rimbu, David Fifita
So brave
New South Wales turned in one of the bravest performances you’ll ever see grace an Origin field. Just so brave.
Joseph Sua’ali’i was so brave throwing his shoulder into Reece Walsh’s face. It was incredibly brave to shorten Walsh’s career and handicap the marketability of one of the game’s real stars who is on the precipice of making them all a lot of money. Of course, Sua’ali’i is bravely decamping for union, so can’t be tempted by that filthy lucre and instead bravely spent the week being revved up about how tough the Blues are and being egged on by what passes for Blues legends (e.g. the brave Mark Carroll, who bravely thinks he could have laid a hand on Walsh with his extremely normal violent, homoerotic fantasy, and the brave Ben Elias, who has done more to undermine NSW football than any other single person). It’s so brave that Sua’ali’i is flying to The Hague to answer for his crimes.
Zac Lomax was so brave when he looked at sea for the entire first half and then was a non-entity in the last 20. He is definitely not drowning in water-based metaphors that otherwise unfairly reflect his brave performance. Liam Martin was so brave when flattened a pillow-shaped selection mistake and then whiffed on multiple try scoring line breaks. He is absolutely a credit to our front name and braver than the troops. James Tedesco was so brave when he turned in a pretty average performance that was still remarkably Dylan Edwards-like.
I hope Michael Maguire is sufficiently brave to not review how the excess of Blues possession and dominance of their pack did not lead to any points and the bravery of their halves to overcome shifts that were too slow and unimaginative to break down the Queensland line. Hopefully, he has the bravery to look past that and stick to the 12 brave souls that manned the ANZ Stadium turf for 80 long minutes.
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Now that everyone has stopped reading
I don’t remember a recent Origin when both teams had such obvious flaws. Usually, one of them gets on top and irrespective of their own problems, murders the other for their weakness. For a 28 point victory, a record for Queensland in Sydney, it was both unnecessarily stressful and deeply unsatisfying. I spent a lot of time wishing the clock would go faster.
The Queensland forwards were almost rolled by a 12 man NSW, particularly the efforts of Crichton and the racist Leniu. The Maroons made more yards with less ball but much of that came easily from long range breaks. Queensland had fewer post contact metres and in the early part of the second half were being outdone by 20 to 30 metres per set. If only there was a big boy that could have helped staunch the flow and provided some impetus. The only time we saw Hopgood, he got destroyed. Did Slater see what he usually sees that nobody else does?
Fortunately, the Blues couldn’t attack, so there was nothing to worry about. The right side couldn’t play the exact way Hynes needed them to, so they kept running out of space. On the other side of the field, Luai tried to play with some structure and when that was unsuccessful, did some free form jazz. You had to look at the points they didn’t score to really get it. It is honestly not this hard to get Stephen Crichton to score a try, even head to head with Cobbo. Pathetic.
Much of the tension came from Slater’s bench use. The Queensland coach did not use two of his interchanges and left it late in the game to bring the starters back on, well after the bench players were cooked. Slater could theoretically afford to wait for the Blues to wilt under the numerical disadvantage but had New South Wales’ attack been in any way competent, as it might be with Mitchell Moses at the helm, then the Blues could have had some recovery time after each try and wouldn’t have been as spent defending their hypothetical lead. The gamble paid off this time but it was definitely negative expected value compared to stomping the Blues into the ground and using the last ten minutes for an early cool down.
Other than Dearden, who was very good, I’ve seen mixed reviews of the various Cowboys, so am willing to temper my own impressions but Holmes, who I think sucks, should not be starting over Cobbo.
I’m not done with Sua’ali’i
Strangely, the fallout from Sua’ali’i’s hit on Walsh did not centre on whether Sua’ali’i should be hung, drawn and quartered in King George Square or merely guillotined, nor how the NSW setup is entirely manned by gutless and brainless prokaryotes, nor how the Blues should have forfeited on the spot, but the narrative was about how the NRL could change rules to prevent an early send off, something that has happened once in forty years of Origin, from “ruining the spectacle”.
If everyone could stop huffing paint for five minutes, it would be clear that nothing ruined the spectacle more than Walsh having to spend the game on the sideline from foul play. Given the attitude shown by the Blues in the first few sets, whether it was Sua’ali’i or not, that seemed like an inevitable outcome.
Sua’ali’i spending the game on the sideline is the punishment for his actions and his team’s extremely flawed approach. We’re trying to play a game of football. It has rules. The spectacle arises from the sport that happens within the rules. If you don’t like it, watch Calvinball.
I am very tired of specious arguments being rooted in notionally what’s best for the fans or ostensibly maintaining the spectacle, when most of it is extremely bad faith wheelbarrow pushing for deadshit coaches. The bet you make when you buy a book or buy a ticket to a movie or go to a footy game or otherwise spend money to participate in the culture, is that the thing you’re buying access to might not be very good. 90% of everything is crap and that’s because if everything was good, nothing would be good. You would find yourself afloat on a sea of art and sport and culture that makes you feel nothing, because you lack the contrast between good and bad.
This is so simple to wrap your head around and yet I am not surprised those with newspaper columns to fill and the dregs of the internet - often one and the same - do not get it.
If you believe in the product, let it speak for itself. The bells and whistles to solve problems that don’t exist never makes things better and so even if you must argue about ruining the spectacle, I refer you to the six again era, 2020 - 2022.
Not everything is the best all the time. Stop whinging like children and grow up.
Newcastle Nights
The women’s game was substantially more enthralling than the men’s, which is why I’m going to spend a lot less time writing about it.
Halves - I spent an unnecessary, and in retrospect embarrassing, portion of this game speculating about a post-Brigginshaw future. Any time this happens, I end up looking like a dunce. It’s not that she turned the game around but perhaps I was more concerned that Aiken should have had the ball in her hands more frequently. It is entirely possible the previous 130 minutes of football was setting the table for her to scoot over and level the game. Brigginshaw will go when she’s ready and not a moment earlier.
Wings - Check out Emma Paki’s stat line from the game: 70 minutes, 4 runs for 20 metres (2m post contact), 6 receipts, 2 passes, 2 tackles made, 2 missed, 1 error. She may as well not have been out there. You might even say the Maroons’ 12 on 13 performance was very brave.
Obviously, part of that was the conditions and the Maroons avoiding the sideline like the plague. Smart stuff. Still, the team gave Julia Robinson on the other wing more of a shot with the ball. That’s because Robinson is a winger and Paki is not. That’s not Paki’s fault - although Queensland were fortunate her defensive struggles were not targeted more - but effectively playing one short is an unnecessary impediment. Would Temara have been better? No and that might be her card marked.
Lofipo - I am a big Sienna Lofipo guy. I like everything I’ve seen over the last 18 months and I’m not the only one:
"She came on, changed the momentum and laid the platform for Loz," Brigginshaw said.
"She's just a young kid that's so confident. I can't wait to see the future she has in the game.
"She can have that 13 jersey, that's for sure."
Between Lofipo, Jorgensen and Teitzel only being 25, that’s a solid back row for the Maroons to carry into the rest of the 20s. One wonders if Shaniah Power ever gets back in.
Obvious shout-outs to the efforts of Lauren Brown, who is a superlative player but sometimes struggles to put it all together but clearly not in this game and Shannon Mato, who ripped in as hard as ever. I have an eye on Jessika Elliston’s capacity for improvement as well.
Them - The Blues had the game under control until they didn’t and couldn’t find anything to arrest the incoming Maroon tide. Not to draw too long a bow but if you remember the excessive celebrations when Yasmin Clydesdale crossed for a last minute try in the second game last year that burnt all the remaining time on the clock, there seems to be a lack of… something in the New South Wales side. Smarts? Guts? Discipline? The fabled 1%ers? Just don’t Get Origin? I’m not sure. Something to think about.
Game 3 - With the official NRL dot com accounting wondering if the Blues were going to sweep the series before game 2 had even been played, we will have a series decider at QCB Stadium. Two Origins have been played in Townsville (men’s game 1 2021 and women’s game 2 2023) and the Maroons lost both of them. Third time lucky?
Thank you Liesel Jones
”NRL exposed over $600 million embarrassment.” *Tim Allen noise*:
“I just returned from Port Moresby yesterday, I had a three-day trip to PNG, and I’ve been hearing a lot about the NRL team that they’re setting up,” Jones said.
“From what I heard on the ground and speaking to a lot of people in PNG, I don’t think they want an NRL team there.
“I was of the opinion that it would be a great way for us to build a relationship with PNG and that it was going to be a great result. I don’t think that’s the case.
“I’ve been hearing a lot that ‘it’s lip service’, that it was a lot of the Australian government just very quickly, just off the cuff deciding that they want to have this team for safety reasons for Australia, but really didn’t think it through.
“There’s are a lot of stats in PNG that — 80 per cent unemployment rates, that’s the big issue. Children are going through to school and ending at year six, that is their education level.
“An NRL team might be an embarrassment on the country because they don’t have any feeder pathways. There is no NRL going through schools, there’s no sport education because they’re finishing at year six.
“So the Australian government is funding $600 million, putting into PNG, yes it buys us safety, sure. But the people of PNG, I don’t think they want this NRL team because I don’t think they’re going to be proud of the result.”
And then lol:
Co-host Ben Dobbin said he’d heard similar from friends with business in the region.
Sure mate but here come the broadcasters:
Speaking on Fox League’s NRL Tonight, Matt Russell said: “Passion no problem — logistics and unanimous support, that could be a problem.”
Mark Carroll said the vision was “absolutely brilliant”. But he conceded the issues was “the security side of it”.
On SEN last week, Corey Parker added the recruitment would be an issue after ARL Commission Chairman Peter V’landys revealed the players would live in PNG, rather than in North Queensland, as had previously been an option.
This is the mildest, most tepid criticism possible but there’s clearly an eddy of discontent in the swirl of clubs and broadcasters. While I’m not going to commend anyone for their praxis, I will welcome any comrades to bring down the imperialist V’Landys and his capitalist cronies. Case in point, here’s what we’re up aginst:
Former Kiwi Test forward Dean Lonergan, the man who delivered the NRL Nines to Auckland’s Eden Park in 2014, is adamant New Zealand is ready for a second team.
“The Warriors are the No.1 sports story right now in New Zealand,” he said.
“Peter V’landys is a genius who can see the benefits of a second New Zealand team.
Genius! That must mean anyone who has ever discussed NRL expansion must be a genius too. Imagine every single Friday 6pm game being played in New Zealand to the benefit of fans on both sides of the Tasman. No one has thought of that before!
A second New Zealand club would be great, doubly so as NRL18 rather than 19, but no one wants to pay for it. The NRL can “seriously consider” it all they like, and there’s no indication that’s being considered more or less seriously than Melbourne 2 or whatever, but unless the Controlling Body is going to fund it themselves, the Kiwi broadcasters are tapped out, the Australian broadcasters don’t care and there’s not exactly a huge corporate hub in Christchurch. With a population of 1.2 million, setting up a South Island team would be roughly equivalent to setting up a team in Adelaide, something not a single person has suggested this cycle.
Which brings us back to the grand scheme:
It can be revealed:
North Sydney chiefs held talks with V’landys on the day of Origin I last Wednesday as their hopes of a stunning return to the big league gather steam;
Perth’s entry to the NRL will be contingent on joining forces with the Bears;
The door is all but shut on a fifth Queensland club being part of a 20-team league;
The Bears and a second New Zealand franchise are fighting it out for the NRL’s 19th licence; and
A secret third Christchurch consortium has entered the race to launch a second NRL team in New Zealand…
The 17 clubs will receive detailed information on plans to add three clubs within the decade after the NRL created an expansion task-force, headed by Commissioners Peter Beattie and Kate Jones, to begin due diligence on PNG.
The ‘Expansion Masterplan’ will formally outline the 20-team league, where the new teams will be based, when they will come in and the multifaceted benefits of having an international presence in the Pacific.
Good lord, an actual plan. At this time of year? May we see it? Ha, of course we won’t be allowed to see it, let alone question it. Don’t be stupid. It’ll be garbled into meaninglessness by the stenographers and you’ll just have to take V’Landys, Abdo, Beattie and Jones’ word for it.
There is a lot of hype that the league is going to to 20 teams, and the masterful vision required to get there, as if the NRL wouldn’t have done that anyway and this is a uniquely Vlandian insight. Greenberg could’ve proposed the same thing and would’ve been told he was out of touch, wasting money and getting away from the game’s roots (a six kilometre radius around the Sydney GPO), etc but because this comes from Peter the Great the Short, it’s got to be presented this way or else Bevan Shields won’t get to go to horsey races.
We’ve already talked at length about the problems PNG has to overcome to be NRL18 and that is by no means as much of a shoe-in as the hyperventilating headlines would have you believe. As discussed, NZ2 has its own share of problems.
Perth Bears seems more of a sure thing but the Bears are almost certainly extraneous, despite the “NRL’s preference is for a… relocation model operating under a motto of ‘Two Histories, One Future’ – ostensibly becoming the Sydney Swans of the NRL”. Great stuff, I hate it. While the Perth Bears have plenty of question marks, they are less operational and more down the track, in the vein of “what happens to the licence when one side gets the shits with the other?”
You can gin up a fifth Queensland team whenever you feel like it to fill in the gaps and it strikes me as extremely precarious to rule that out when two of the notional three expansion candidates have such obvious weaknesses. Do you want a 20 team league or not? You are more likely than not that to want Easts at least on the waiting list then.
Intermission
Hell yeah brother. We often don't think of games between lower ranked teams as being classics but this was barn burner.
Even if my team was up four or five scores, I don't think I'd want to knowingly make David Fifita angry.
Upcoming Slate
NRLM - Sharks vs Dolphins at Shark Park, Thursday 8pm
Given their recent run of form, this edition of Marine Mayhem is likely to be one way traffic. The Sharks handled the Broncos’ middle, albeit with their best coming off Origin, without too much trouble and the Dolphins are starting Felise Kaufusi at prop in the year of our lord, two thousand and twenty-four. Hynes will have the loftiest of platforms and the outside backs can run all the diamond shapes they like while Talakai batters smaller men (i.e. all of them). If you get bored, you can sing Kodi Nikorima’s name to the tune of Smoke on the Water. This is the Dolphins’ first trip to Sydney in 2024. Tip: Sharks
NRLM - Raiders vs Cowboys at Bruce Stadium, Friday 6pm
This could be kind of fun? It will depend on which version of the Cowboys make the trip to Canberra but on one hand, you have a team that score a lot of points but plays with no heart and on the other, you have a team that does crazy things to stay in games against better opponents. It could be a real mess, as the Raiders crush the hapless Cowboys, or it could be a real fight, as the Cowboys backs go to work on the Raiders defensive line. It’s a pretty low bar to hurdle over but the Broncos and Titans games look much worse. Tip: Cowboys
QRLM - Magpies vs Blackhawks at Davies Park, Sunday 2.10pm
The Magpies return to their spiritual and antiquated home of Davies Park. As a Bill Tyquin member of the Magpies, I’m allowed to say such things but you’re not. Fortunately, you can spare yourself trying to find a carpark on a glorious West End Sunday afternoon by watching this on Kayo.
Since being trounced by the Hunters at home, the Blackhawks have won three of their last four, only recording a ten point loss to the league-leading Devils. Souths Logan are trying to get something together to move them up the ladder, starting 1-4, then winning three straight, taking two big losses and beating the Hunters in Port Moresby. It’s a good matchup, with both at roughly the same rating and record, the Blackhawks’ bad attack against the Magpies’ woeful defence and Souths’ penchant for points against Townsville’s not quite bottom quartile defence. Tip: Blackhawks
(Tips 18 / 38)
Watch Guide
Notes
We’re a little late because Telstra blocked my access to my website (but only on Wifi, mobile was fine but I can’t really write things on my phone). That’s been sorted thanks to the competent people in the department that deal with unblocking requests.
The luxury of having two Origin wins in one week is we don't need to talk about the dipshits that played in the NRLM on the weekend. With the Dolphins on bye, we’ll call it misere partielle.
U19s squads were announced for men and women. Some familiar names in both lists and another opportunity to test the value of QRLW experience versus not that. Over to Rugby League Observer for more.
Dolphins signs Pangai. Broncos finalise NRLW roster with Lavinia Gould and Bree Spreadborough plus development contracts. Steph Hancock is moving on from the Titans to the Dragons.
Tom Flegler’s shoulder injury has long term concerns.
There will be no apologies for misidentifying a Bromwich. I can only promise that mistakes will happen and that I will learn nothing from this. I’m sorry that’s just the way it is.
Congratulations to
for joining the Rugby League Substack Pervert Network (RLS PervNet). Subscribe today for mostly but not entirely Raiders-themed content.Pretty good ratings for both Origins, with the women's million and change viewers comparing well to the Matildas and the men's bringing in 3.6 million, the highest of any TV event so far this year. Look at all the value created by the NRL clubs here. They deserve all of the revenue the sport generates. I'm being handed a note.
“QRL CEO Ben Ikin denied entry at State of Origin due to missing pass” sounds funny but isn’t. Ikin just went and got a pass. It would have been way funnier if he’d been told he couldn’t come in because of his shoes.
Funny numbers mean success for NRL. I’m near certain (but have no evidence) that the lack of transparency in the NRL's finances means something extremely suspect is happening at Phillip Street, so if all you got is fake crowd numbers and journos carrying water for them, you need to try harder. Hack obscuration has been par for the course for five years now.
Federal Government plans to introduce restrictions on gambling advertising could have huge repercussions for the game, not just the top end but also grassroots and women’s rugby league. Heyheyhey, don’t drag grassroots and women’s rugby league into this. Let's not pretend they were massively benefitting in the way that the professional men were.
UN secretary general: “I call on these companies to stop acting as enablers to planetary destruction. Stop taking on new fossil-fuel clients, from today, and set out plans to drop your existing ones. Fossil fuels are not only poisoning our planet – they’re toxic for your brand.” Not pointing fingers but I am tossing lariats (Bravus) and pointing fins (Anglo American) and hooves (Arrow Energy) in the general direction of the problem. That said if you knock out resources and gambling, there’s not a lot left propping up the sport or the Australian economy.
Speaking of, Mining group BHP Group on Wednesday walked away from its $49 billion plan to take over rival Anglo American, which rejected a last-ditch request for more time, ending for now its six-week pursuit. The Dolphins’ blood diamond money is safe for now or at least until Botswana buys De Beers and then we won't even be able to make that joke anymore.
Campton: Mitchell Moses, New South Wales and how State of Origin turns the NRL into an individual sport
Not Queensland but I liked clear eyed analysis: The Business of Vegas. Turns out a home game goes for the low, low price of $350,000 and $50,000 to be the away team seems hardly worth it. If you’ve ever wondered why big clubs get all 12 games at home, $350,000 ain’t that enticing if you can regularly sell 30,000 tickets.
Not Queensland but interesting: “With that being delivered the two groups refs associations met and took their current stand down action. I actually don’t blame them as that investigation seems weak as piss.”
Nickelware
This week’s observation is that the two teams coming into the QRLW next year are the two teams that most need help getting up the Pyramid Premiership. Also, the Titanate have fallen behind the Free States. That is not a good sign, although perhaps less surprising considering one of those teams went winless last year and has fired their coach, and the other will have had its talent sucked up to fill the gaps in the Titans starting line up.