Lying perfectly still in a darkened hotel room
Titans lost, Dolphins lost, Cowboys won, Clydesdales won, more stakeholder kabuki and Joshua James' undies
Everyone’s already given up on the Titans
There are lots of things to do on the Gold Coast on Saturday night. I don’t begrudge anyone for not choosing to sit in a damp C-Bus Super Stadium to watch the local football team. Lying perfectly still in a darkened hotel room, listening to the waves and traffic would probably be more stimulating and certainly less aggravating, never mind the cornucopia of locally produced narcotics that are available mere steps from one’s hypothetical front door.
The St George Illawarra Dragons were the visitors. This is a franchise that had a considerable lustre in previous years and have taken on more of a tarnish recently. While the south-east has traditionally been something of a hotbed for Dragons support, that has waned as an older pre-1988 generation has aged out of existence and not been replaced as we, frankly, have better options. Suffice to say that the Dragons, hot tips for the spoon and carrying the morally defective Jack de Belin, aren’t much of a draw card to Robina in 2024.
It was little surprise then to see the stadium, especially opposite the main broadcast camera, even more sparsely populated than usual. To have that perspective confirmed on the available reverse shots of other stands indicated this wasn’t a matter of people avoiding the expensive seats. 14,537 seems an unjustifiably optimistic estimate and that was supported by a distinct reddish tinge to the jerseys in the audience. At the dawn of the Hasler era, it seems the people of the Gold Coast have already given up on the Titans.
There’s a lineup that, if you squint and cock your head, looks like you might be able to convince yourself to believe in. There’s a new premiership-winning coach, although he is visibly wrestling with his decision to come north. The Gold Coast, at last check, is still mostly in Queensland. Those are all positive factors to inflate the gate but, as the denizens know deep in their bones, the actual on-field product is dreadful.
It was dreadful when I turned the game on, five minutes in, and the Titans were already down a score. It was dreadful when the Titans had a surplus of possession into halftime and turned that into four points. It was dreadful when the middle proved to have all the integrity of wet tissue paper, conceding myriad points to a team that will almost certainly finish bottom four. We talked about Project 2026 in the season preview. It is only round 1 of 2024 and they were missing Foran, Campbell and Fifita but that looks as far off as the Moon. At this rate, these Titans are not making it to 2026 intact.
If that’s the case, then the Frizelles may as well sell the licence to the Easts Tigers now and let them sort this mess out. It couldn’t go any worse and maybe then, Gold Coasters would have something to believe in.
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The Game: Clydesdales vs Capras (QRLW)
Opening weekend finally arrived and we finally go a look at the teams on the park. I don’t particularly want to overhype the quality of this game - it was good, not great - but it lived up to my expectations. It had skill and mess, stars and no names, some weird stuff; basically what you want out of a statewide game. It’s good to have the real stuff back.
Observations
This had some commonalities with the previous game reviewed. The NRLW stars stood out clearly on the field. There was some round 1 rustiness. It was an enjoyable affair for the most part, even if the quality waxed and waned through the afternoon.
It’s not clear what the women’s equivalent professions to farmers, plumbers, etc that we normally (and unfairly, derogatorily) refer to part-timers in the men’s game. Nurses and aged cared workers? Primary school and PE teachers? Architects and lawyers? Either way, Kezie Apps spent most of the first half running over the top of them.
The Clydesdales played direct and hard, having no concerns taking advantage of the numerous invitations down the other end of the field and marching. The victory was more or less sealed by halftime, almost put beyond doubt when Kayla Jackson crossed at 53’ but there was just enough of a window for the Capras to come back, finally learning to hold the ball as Western took their foot off the gas.
The Capras started slow and made plenty of errors through the first half, to the never ending frustration of Jesse Southwell (she was hit with a dissent penalty at 27’; you’re not playing park footy for Newcastle anymore). Central bided their time and their big names took a larger role and pounced when Western started to let their guard down late in the game, making it closer at full time than it was most of the 70.
Southwell, J looked like she’ll be more than comfortable at this level, if she stops trying to being too clever. Southwell, H didn’t particularly stand out but I think the forwards will take their time to warm up ahead of a long season. Tamika Upton stepped in when the Capras needed a bit of spark but otherwise held off. Emma Paki had some nice moments but also ran into Upton on a kick return to the latter’s obvious annoyance. Central conceded the second and third tries (that weren’t just pure Brigginshaw bullshit - see below) through the middle, so there’s some work to do there.
Brigginshaw is in her element. Apps looked like she was punishing the opposition for fun. Aiton could use some polish on the service. Hancock is an immortal. The Clydesdales made plenty of their own errors (got dragged into touch on the kickoff after the second try, buggered up another kickoff return later in the game) but those just didn’t seem to matter as much to the outcome.
Highlights
Here’s the difference between Ali Brigginshaw and Jesse Southwell.
Oh is it not fair to cherry pick is it? Fine.
The prototypical Kezie Apps first half run. Rather than some traditionally female-dominated professionals, that’s former Knight Emma Paki she’s making first contact with.
More stakeholder kabuki
Calling Ninefax’s survey of NRL club bosses ‘kabuki’ is a bit much - it is an anonymous survey whose purpose is to plainly advance their agendas - however, it offers a great opportunity to review what our unelected sporting overlords think they should be allowed to do with our game.
Most of the survey isn’t interesting and the results are presented accordingly. Support for referees has “slumped to an all-time low” (the rating of their performance fallen from a high of 3.6 out of 5 to 3.3, down 10%). Andrew Abdo remains popular with a “slight drop in popularity” (fallen from a high of of 4.4 to 3.3, down 25%). 95% of club bosses think the sky is blue, that their rivals are cheating, hate losing to the Broncos and would perform oral sex on Peter V’Landys if asked (fallen from a high of 4.6 in 2021 but rebounded from 3.5 last year to 4.0).
There are two things worth drawing attention to. The first is just how unpopular going to PNG is. Of 45 bosses polled, 33 responded and 6% of them - so two (2) - nominate PNG as their preferred expansion option, which is as popular as each of SEQ and CQ. Perth was the overwhelming favourite at 70%. 68% are strictly opposed to PNG, even with Australian government support. Peter V’Landys was allowed some mewling comments that the NRL “could do both” in a 20 team league.
Given 97% of bosses think the Dolphins have been a success so far, that suggests SEQ4 should be a much more popular option. Evidently, that kind of mental reconciliation would be expecting too much. At the very least, I’m sure the Clydesdales’ cheques will be clearing momentarily.
We have Foxtel, Politis and 70% of the other club bosses in the western faction. For the northern faction we have the Australian government, James Marape and Peter V’Landys. Andrew Abdo is still taking the breeze and will continue to do so long after a decision is handed down, as he is a pinwheel. While the Australian government is powerful, they do not have a vote on the ARLC board.
The second is that Chammas threw national reserve grade back in the mix and got a 52/48 split in favour. Peter V’landys said, “However, it’s vertical integration and the reserve grade provides another form of entertainment for the fan. We’ve always been about the fan. We have to explore it, and we’re going to. We’re not going to listen or be influenced by self-interest.”
I don’t know what any of this means or how to parse it. Who’s self-interest? What additional entertainment does NRG provide over QCup? What about the fans that are opposed? When did vertical integration become important or desirable? It sounds like a panicky word salad.
Perhaps PVL wishes people would stop bringing it up so he doesn’t have to admit that everyone who has tried to alter the status quo in the last couple of years has eaten shit?
Minor points of interest: bosses rate Clint Newton 2.5/5 (which is good for him because what union leader wants the approval of management), are against wildcard weekend (good), don’t want to expand the NRLW (cowards), are supportive of Origin going to NZ (whatever) and are in favour of conferences with more teams.1
Intermission
While this is perhaps not as cool as the Hunters’ only metaphorical pantsing of the Seagulls, that would have required several GIFs and possibly some audio of very excited PNG comms and crowd to adequately convey, so here's a good doggie instead.
Upcoming Slate
NRLM - Broncos vs Rabbitohs at Suncorp Stadium, Thursday 7.00pm
As AJ Mithen pointed out in his weekly column on The Roar, the loser here starts 0-2. Normally, this is not a significant outcome in and of itself but given how both teams’ seasons ended last year and the expectations placed on them this year, it’s not nothing either. Both teams are back from Vegas and neither covered themselves in glory. Should be a close one as we see who fixes their entirely predictable issues faster. Tip: Broncos
NRLM - Cowboys vs Knights at QCB Stadium, Saturday, 4.30pm
I don't trust the early QCup Elo ratings that drive the stars on the Watch Guide yet, so I'm picking this important early season test. The Knights are the kind of team the Cowboys need to be able to roll if they are going to improve on last year. I have my doubts about Newcastle but even their perception as a mid-table, potential contender means a NQ victory is required if the Cowboys want that perception for themselves. A more resilient middle defence will be required and/or hoping the Knights’ attacking options haven't quite gelled yet. Tip: Cowboys
QRLW - Clydesdales vs Bears in Pittsworth, Saturday 6.00pm
Tough choice between this and Capras vs Wynnum for game of the round but I opted for this because it doesn’t clash (much) with the Cowboys’ game. It's another all-star clash but with a round under their respective belts. The Bears fell behind early to Norths but rallied for a convincing win. The Clydesdales handled a similarly star studded Capras and then took their foot off the gas. Burleigh has better depth and will hopefully start faster this week. Tip: Bears
(Tips 3 of 5)
Watch Guide
Weather - In the south, the heat of summer has dissipated slightly earlier than usual this year with cooling breezes taking the edge off and turning the weather absolutely pleasant. It looks wetter up north for Saturday’s games.
Brisbane: Thursday mostly cloudy 19 - 28, Saturday and Sunday mostly cloudy 20 - 26; Gold Coast: Mostly cloudy 21 - 27; Sunshine Coast: partly cloudy 21 - 26; Toowoomba: mostly cloudy 16 - 23; Rockhampton: mostly cloudy 22 - 29; Townsville: isolated storms 25 - 30; Cairns: light rain 25 - 30
Notes
Great piece from Indigenous All-Stars coach, Ronnie Griffith: I tell our Indigenous players words matter. Ezra was right to speak up, and so was Latrell.
Leniu got eight weeks. Good, maybe not enough, but it's over. Note for aspiring journalists: you don't have to carry water for the Spencer Lenius (and Ben Barbas) of the world. The only upside of turning leaks from his camp into content is getting your boss off your back for five minutes. The cost is your soul. Also you look very stupid if you write in your very important newspaper that there was a derogatory remark preceding the incident and it turns out he can't even remember what it might have been. It's too late for some well known national reporters but there's time for you.
Mackay Cutters CEO Mitch Cook has warned Queensland Rugby League’s elite talent pathways could be in jeopardy, with clubs set to be forced to forego teams if they don’t receive more financial support. While we’re waiting for the Lawsuit of the Century (assuming it hasn’t already been quietly settled), I hope we hear more from the statewide clubs. It gets really easy to juxtapose the Controlling Body’s empty rhetoric with “there had been no funding increase for state league clubs since 2018, despite all three women’s programs being introduced in that time.”
From the desk of Nic D: ’The book is definitely not closed’: Blackhawks captain Kyle Laybutt hunting NRL shot. The suggestion that it will be easier for type D clubs to get their players into the NRL this year is interesting. If we see a bit of it, the line between Ds and Fs start to blur and it makes having a full type F affiliation to attract topline guys less necessary. Also, worth clicking on Palm Island to host landmark Townsville A Grade rugby league clash with Centrals Tigers to look at the turtle shell gift.
QCup content on NRL dot com courtesy of Colleen Edwards: Broncos win shows Cup depth as Queensland clubs choose new dance partners
The QRL did a promo video for the new season, which looks pretty good but I can’t embed because they’ve turned that off. At time of writing, it had 120 views.
Stats from Eye Test: Are NRL teams starting to play wider? All the Round 1 advanced stats
Tevita Pangai Jr to donate match payments as part of return to Souths Logan
Streak watch: In the HPC, the Ipswich Jets are winless since round 18, 2022. In the BMD, the Tweed Heads Seagulls are winless since round 1, 2022.
Postscript: the Jets shouldn’t play in blue. That’s confusing as hell. If Tweed/Souths Logan can play their jersey clash, so can Jets/Blackhawks.
From Norths: NRL Dolphins Player Allocations and Hostplus Cup Match Review - Rd1
From Easts: Least surprising coaching extension in history at Coorparoo. Also Los Tigres signed Chris McQueen.
Disappointed to belatedly learn that Sua Faalogo, among others, had been assigned to North Sydney. You're robbing us of our fun, Storm.
Not Queensland but close: Boost for PNG with new national women’s competition confirmed
Not Queensland but related: Bulldogs seek cap relief from NRL over injured young gun Oloapu. Either the Broncos got paid $500k to avoid an injury timebomb or Oloapu is not going to be the first or last person to leave Brisbane for Sydney and regret it.
Manly-Rabbitohs got 61k and Roosters-Broncos got 41k American viewers. I thought this wasn’t too bad but that number isn’t in this post itself, it’s in the comments section where someone specifically asked. The post cuts off at min. 100k and there’s some grim dregs of sportscasting that managed to meet even that low bar. Liga MX, that is Mexican soccer, got nearly a million viewers in a similar timeslot. Given the way ratings are collected and statistics works, you have to wonder if one random dude had the NRL on and that’s been extrapolated to 60,000 people who didn’t really watch the game. Then again, US ratings was never the point.
The new QPlus needs some work. I’m used to the clock never being quite right but there were scoring errors too. The title of the stream and the back button don’t disappear after a few seconds and cover up the score bug when watching in landscape on a phone. The transparencies on the “try” and “penalty” graphics aren’t set up right for some teams. If your stream moves too far off live, it throws up an error telling you the match has ended. Worst of all, there’s zero ability to rewind the live stream. I spent half the time watching try celebrations but having no idea how they happened because I stupidly decided to pay a few seconds of attention to my children. Most of these are minor and will get ironed out but the lack of live replay is going to drive me nuts.
Nickelware
Not as nice as silverware, Nickelware are the competitions we use to track the performance of Queensland rugby league clubs. Last year, the Broncos won both the NRL North and the Affiliates Premiership. Can they defend their titles?
The NRL North sorts teams by win-loss record in Queensland derbies, then by other NRL results and then points difference as a mimic of NFL-style divisions.
The Affiliates Premiership calculates the winning percentage of each NRL stable of clubs in the Queensland Cup. With the affiliation musical chairs settling down this year, hopefully we will avoid last year’s weirder changes with the Dolphins semi-attachment to the Hunters and the Devils being dropped by the Broncos.
New for 2024 is the Pyramid Premiership, which sorts clubs by total number of regular season wins across the six statewide competitions. Each win (a draw is half a win) and each point is considered equivalent across the competitions, so the highest ranked teams will generally perform the best across the full talent pyramid. J stands for junior (under 17), E for espoirs (under 19) and O for open. This will bias towards clubs with stronger open men’s programs but I expect some QCup teams to win fewer games than their QRLW counterparts, so this will not be an excessive bias. Don’t have an open women’s team? Get one.
Here are the current standings:
One anonymous boss: “The competition could use a 20-team system, with four conferences and five teams in each, similar to the NFL that would help balance the draw and allow more ‘blockbusters’ for existing or created rivalries.” Which, if we absolutely have to go down this path, is my preferred format (although I would call them ‘divisions’ rather than ‘conferences’ because I know what I’m talking about). Then again, if these guys think that’s a promising idea, it may be time to abandon it.