Nirvana-seeking robots
Broncos lose, Titans lose, Cowboys win, Cutters win, railway workers and a request for mailbaggery
The Noble Truths
In his Second Noble Truth, The Buddha said that attachment to desire is the cause of all suffering. Insofar as concise insights into the human condition go, organised religion hasn’t done much better than that over the last few millennia, other than maybe the Golden Rule. It is then with an appropriately zen-like mindset that fans of both the Broncos and Titans must approach the next four to six weeks.
The Broncos facing down their well-publicised demons in Penrith was always going to be a tall order. Taking Reynolds and Haas out of the mix more or less consigned them to defeat. Losing Walsh a handful of minutes into the game for careless tackle technique that should have resulted in a binning for a clearly remorseless May treated us to a 2021 Broncos performance that I’ve seen a million times already. I switched off after the second Panthers try. There was nothing to be gained from watching any more.
Now 1-2 and already struggling to find their footing in the new season, every opponent the Broncos face over the next nine games until they play the Titans in round 12 will be at least feisty, if not heavy favourites. Walsh, Haas and Reynolds should be back well before then and some easier fixtures are peppered in the second half the season but back row depth remains an issue with Piakura out for four. While a 2-5 start could be recovered from, needing something like 11-6 in the back three-quarters of the season to still make finals, each loss incurred after the trip to the gutter with the Raiders in round 7 makes the run home steeper.
While I was extremely mean to the Titans two weeks ago, I had already flagged that the start of the season was going to be slow. Like the Broncos, Gold Coast have missed or are missing their starting fullback, veteran half and best forward. Tino is now gone for the year and probably will only be back at his best in 2026. So the start to the season has been very slow, scoring just four points and conceding 60. It’s not good and there’s no prospect of immediate improvement. Even if the Titans can get to their best, it’s not clear that their best is good enough or if they will have the willpower or the motivation to compete.
Following The Buddha’s lead, we then must meditate upon the Third Noble Truth: eliminating our attachment to desire will eliminate our suffering. We must detach our attachment to desiring wins in order to contain the suffering we would otherwise endure watching these teams try to compete three or four men short. While I don't think this is necessarily compatible with the Noble Eightfold Path that will remove you from rugby league dukkha, we are also not Nirvana-seeking robots and I'd suggest putting finals out of your mind and being present in the moment so you can find some joy in what’s left.
Up north, it’s a different story with the same caveat. The Cowboys lead the competition with another high octane offensive performance covering the blemishes of an indifferent defensive outing. If the game plan is to outscore every team, then the Cowboys have an array of options at their disposal to make that happen; points against be damned. It remains to be seen whether this will work against Penrith - it almost certainly will not - and any other teams that happen to join the Panthers in the top echelon of contenders for this year’s premiership (if any). These Noble Truths apply to Cowboys fans as well but it’s the desire attached to a higher aspiration that should be discarded. Enjoy the week to week victories.
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The Game
I wanted to deconstruct the Gold Coast derby this week but the stream was basically unwatchable and dropped out for most of the match. This seems to be one part the technology the QRL have chosen and one part Piggabeen has no reception. As a result, we are denied GIFs of Olivia Kernick at ball playing lock, Jaime Chapman smacking unsuspecting part timers and Tarryn Aiken’s monstrous 40/15 kick.
For the Bears, presumptive favourites and premiership contenders, to lose to Tweed, who have only just recently broken a two-year losing streak, was the most surprising result in a round of surprising results. Scrolling through the score sheet, the Bears had two non-overlapping binnings, that’s 20 of 70 minutes one woman down, which contributed four points from penalties. Final score was Tweed 20, Burleigh 16.
I was also going to do a dedicated CAPRAS WATCH because I hope we all had a good laugh at the expense of the hypercompetitive yet completely ineffectual Knights trio last week. I know I did.
I’m sure they turned it around against the Mackay Cutters on the weekend. Surely.
After starting their first two games too slow, running out of time to run down the early scores run up by Western and Wynnum, the Capras managed to get themselves 14-0 dickheaded, giving up 26 unanswered points.
The Cutters had no ball for the first 15-20 minutes or so and got beaten down the right hand side of the Capras’ slick passing attack for three tries. The first round of pit stops put some starch in the Cutters’ pack and they tipped control of the match back into the home team’s favour, going into half time down 14-4.
After the break, Maddison Hegarty decided she was going to win the game. Hegarty physically broke the Capras and scored a hattrick off the bench, aided and abetted by Emma Manzelmann conducting proceedings out of dummy half and threatening a scoot every set. With ten to go, neither side really had anything left in the tank and time was frittered away by both sides on stupid errors until the ref mercifully blew full time.
What an outcome. Even though the Newcastle trio seem to have simmered down this week, I couldn’t possibly have hoped for more. I love this competition.
Instead of the half dozen observations and a couple of highlights, we are going to luxuriate in this absolute demolition job.
The first try of the second half starts with Emily Bella scooting across the face of the defensive line to find Jasmine Peters. A quick play the ball and Pania Rupapere has spotted the yawning chasm in the Capras line and sends Hegarty crashing at the weakest point.
Then we get to the good stuff. On the kickoff Hegarty winds up from the back fence and gets ten post contact metres and draws a penalty for a nice lift down the field.
On the restart, it's textbook stuff: impact running, win the point of contact and getting a quick play the ball. Note the white headgeared players.
The Cutters work left and then bring it right to the goalposts. Hegarty gets sent to the same spot as her previous try a few minutes earlier by Manzelmann, is held up briefly before spinning out for an easy try under the posts.
For good measure, here’s Hannah Southwell getting bodied by Essay Banu on the Capras’ first set after the restart. Southwell takes a while to get up and Central have to kick it away from their 20 at the end of this set.
Superlative, game winning stuff in the span of just ten minutes. Welcome to Mackay.
This leaves the Capras and last year’s minor premiers, the Magpies, both on 0-3 starts and anchored to the bottom of the ladder. After the break, the Capras will play the Bears. I wonder if Burleigh have any big, aggressive bodies that will steamroll unwilling opposition?
I’m not going to read this note I’m being handed because I’m sure it’s fine.
Intermission
Your tax dollars at work, New Soth Wales, which is to say every other state's GST revenue at work.
Upcoming Slate
NRLM - Broncos vs Cowboys at Suncorp, Friday 7pm
It’s time for The Game, the Queensland Derby, the Big One. For the first time in years, I’m not attending in person. Nothing is open on Good Friday, so that Suncorp is the only place in Queensland open and serving beer is either a big plus or a stark reminder that Good Friday makes for a terrible gameday experience. Also it’s probably going to rain - it seems unlikely at time of writing that the sun will ever appear again - and the Cowboys are going to pick apart the Broncos defence, so I think I’ll save my tickets for some other, less frustrating time. Tip: Cowboys
NRLM - Titans vs Dolphins at C-Bus, Saturday 6.35pm
The Titans got beat by the Dragons by 24 and the Dolphins beat the Dragons by 38. Logically, that makes the Dolphins 62 points better than the Titans. Brawl on the Beach III is probably not going to deliver a whole lot and certainly no hilarious 26 point collapses. The Titans are missing players, can’t score, can’t defend and it’s not clear if it’s all going to come together in any way before Hasler convinces the board to overturn the roster and remake it in his image. The Dolphins looked quite competent in at least one of their two games, perhaps even not bad, and the other was against the Cowboys, who are perhaps good. Tip: Phins Up
(Tips 8 / 11)
Sorry sickos but there’s only two games, so no Watch Guide this week.
Weather - Brisbane: Friday 18 - 26 partly cloudy; Gold Coast: Saturday 19 - 26 partly cloudy
Requests for Mailbag
In contrast to the double dose of Queensland derby action in the NRL, the QRL comps take a break over Easter. Free kick to AFL, bureaucrats at Phillip St, etc, etc.
Given the weekend will not feature any of God’s own football competitions, if you would like me to pad out next week’s newsletter with answers to your questions, reply to this email or send one to maroonobserver@gmail.com.
If the question is interesting, I’ll happily give you career advice, help with your love life or, if I have to, comment on rugby league matters.
Notes
In the BMD feature game, Harata Butler, former Shark and soon to be Cowboy, made her name. In a performance eerily reminiscent of the Cutters’ Hegarty, the Easts Tigers’ Butler smashed her way through Wynnum after halftime, driving a Shannon Mato-less Tigers forward to their first points. The Tigers kept pace with the Seagulls through the middle of the half, going error for error at a greasy Kougari to take a narrow lead into the final ten minutes. After an all-time goal line stand, helped by the Seagulls’ woeful fifth tackle options, including Emma Barnes dropping the ball over the line and failing to score the match winner, the Tigers emerged surprise victors over the highly touted Wynnum Manly. Great stuff.
I went to my first women’s statewide game on Saturday for Devils vs Magpies. It was a dreary late afternoon kickoff with a cool breeze coming over the airport at Bishop Park. The (surprisingly large) crowd was treated to a real shootout in the first half with Jocelyn Kelleher (my apologies, I wasn’t familiar with your game) and Jada Ferguson taking control in the second and targetting the weak Magpies’ edges, for four unanswered tries to flip 14-24 at halftime to 36-24 by full time. Also, great stuff. Still kind of surprised no one has rolled the dice on Jamie-Lee Lewis, just for name recognition alone.
I missed the men’s game because I had to get my kid home to bed but if you want to introduce your kids to going to the footy, I can’t recommend state cup enough. I see people taking their little ones to NRL games and can’t fathom wasting the money on kids who are clearly bored five minuntes in and have nowhere to go at Suncorp. I paid $10 to get in (under 14s are free at Norths and the QRL mandates a max $10 price for GA) and $8.50 for a small chips and coke (inflation, amirite folks?). She kept herself occupied wandering around and looking at stuff. Older, more adventurous kids could have played a pick up game of touch. I got to watch the game, more or less. We went on the field at half time. A nice time was had by all. If it had gone badly, we could have left early having wasted less than $20. You might have to sacrifice having beers, depending on the licencing arrangements of the specific ground.
Good stats: Are end of set options changing this season? Plus Round 3 advanced stats
'Lagau gakarzil': The words driving Roxin Eagles' influence on Dauan Island
Given Corey Oates is playing this weekend, it seems the lesson from the Cor(e)y sagas is that you can yell at Kev about playing in reserve grade and, as long as you’re not gunning for his son’s job and/or can land a tackle from time-to-time, then it’s all fine.
For no particular reason, here’s a throwback to 2021: “I’ve got to say, even with the blow-outs the games are entertaining,” V’landys told Phil Gould in a special sit-down interview on Nine’s 100% Footy. “Before they were robotic, they were predictable. Now, they’re entertaining. Even the blowouts over the weekend were entertaining.”
Dean Ritchie, the laziest man in sports writing, put out a piece last week supposing that a 116 year old record was to be broken with all the games in Sydney selling out (NRL in Brisbane had to make way for, uh, Pink). Redditors, who almost certainly did not read the article or give the headline any critical thought, used this as further confirmation that the game is having a uniquely great start to the season under the V’Landys regime. A cursory glance at the background of Belmore and Kogarah indicates a sell-out was never a real prospect, despite these being among the smallest stadiums regularly used in the game. Sydneysiders actually turn up to a game challenge: impossible. A few more weeks of beatings (or some rain) should suck the last remaining air out of the tyres and we’ll be back to the normal griping.
Surely some of the Fox commentators and associated production have to travel further from their homes to the studio than they would just going to Kogarah, Leichhardt or Belmore and yet Dan Ginnane called the Cowboys game off what I can only assume is an 18” standard def TV at Fox Studios.
I can’t quite place it but there seems either a general expectation or a general will for Tyrell Sloan to be good. I don’t get it. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of fullbacks I wouldn’t trade for Sloan: Walsh, Drinkwater, Tabuai-Fidow, Campbell, Sailor, (probably) Kini. I might be convinced on Chester but I could be easily persuaded if Nikorima was somehow my only fullback option after Trai Fuller suffered a series of misfortunes. Then sure, give me the dope that conceded a try because he couldn’t ground the ball and couldn’t out-compete the geriatric Kyle Feldt in the air.
There’s always an edifice waiting to collapse. It might not be South Sydney in 2024 but one of the few things you can reliably gauge by volume of media gasbaggery is how badly that edifice is teetering.
Katoa extending for 4 years with the Dolphins for $2m, according to the unlinkable Buzz Rothfield.
Pete Badel (linkable for now if only because he reports actual news from time to time) says the Dolphins are also throwing the kitchen sink at Bennett to keep him in a non-coaching, swanning around the joint and tidying things up capacity at Redcliffe. Bennett will take a NRL head coaching job over that though.
Tom Gilbert speaks about developing a life-threatening blood clot
Broncos re-sign Hufanga, Broughton, Lenarduzzi, Nu'uausala and Lafaele with Skyla Adams upgraded
From the Devils: Devils open home season with strong win
From the Clydesdales: Calling All Past Clydesdales
From the Hunters: QRL Round 4 report: Hunters vs SC Falcons
Not Queensland: Fiji to Bid to secure a licence to enter the National Rugby League (NRL) Premiership Competition with men and women rugby league teams in the 18th Extension Franchise. (scroll to the bottom) A 200% tax rebate sounds great.
Not Queensland: Ryley Jacks hasn’t been paid by Featherstone for 2022. Rovers are not in good shape.
Great content:
Nickelware
It’s North Queensland’s world and we’re just living in it. The Cowboys are 3-0 at the top of the NRL. The Pride are 3-0 at the top of QCup, followed by the Cutters at 2-0. The Cutters are also running the BMD, the last undefeated team at 3-0. Mackay, Mackay, are the only club with five open age wins.
Quite the turnaround from 2023 for the Cowboys clan. One wonders what role karma has played or is playing. Do you think The Buddha had any thoughts on spreading talent among feeder clubs?